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    Did you know that Kelly Rowland has had plastic surgery? Of course you did. You have eyes in your head and can see that that is not the nose she was born with, that is the nose she got from the nose-store on Rodeo Drive. Cue earworm: “Then you say no-no-no-no-nosejob….” Why can’t these local musicians [...] Read Full Post

I was in a mini-debate with a work colleague over this subject a little under a week ago. She.. he was of the view that in most of these movies, the love scenes are actually real, the sex is real and i was of the view that its simulated.

I’d however seen a French movie (with subtitles) on M-net a while ago where certain actions seemed real and again seen Movies on M-net (Saturday night’s R rated movies) in which the sex didn’t seem real.. and this prompted me to spare a few minutes off work to do a little research.. (hmmm.. a formal description for surfing porn? No?)

Here is what i discovered..
Oh and umm.. Viewers Discretion Is Advised.. Just kiddin!

For starters and mimi, simulated sex is not real sex while unsimulated sex is real (there is actual coitus or other sexual activity)

While unsimulated sex mainstream movies are quite common in European countries it hasn’t quite spread over to US mainstream cinema despite Read Full Post

Designers’ edition. Dame Vivienne Westwood. Named Dame Commander of the Order of the British Empire by the Queen of England for services to English fashion. It’s a pity she has no mirror at her house otherwise, I don’t know how she could leave her house looking like the the Witch sister in Stardust. Actually, it appears she always [...] Read Full Post

Grandpa: How old are you now?
Grandkid: 20-something
Grandpa: Why aren't you married yet then? Is it because there are no men out there or you just can't find the right one?
Grandkid: Good men are rare so I'm still waiting for the right one.
Granpa: I know why you can't find a man, look at you. You're so skinny no man wants you. Men look for fat women with a big behind and big arms. Look at your skinny arms, no wonder men are running away from you.
Grankid: [stares at old man in awe and rushes to get something to eat] Read Full Post

He was down on his luck again.
There had been no money coming in for three weeks now. He kicked the tyre of his ‘boda boda’ almost angrily. It was more a ‘kisirani’ than anything else. His stomach growled for the nth time that evening and he stilled himself against the sharp jabs of hunger that hacked at his empty belly. He blamed the government, his mates that constantly gorged him with mairungi but most of all he blamed everyone that walked past him or drove off in their sleek cars, for his poverty.
Self-pity embraced him like a mother and he welcomed it. It told him it was because he had been an orphan, left school in P.6, had mean relatives and that God would never come to his aid. There were times when his ‘boda’ fetched him at least five thousand a day, but now…
‘Kats!’ he faintly heard one of his friends hiss his shortened name and plant some green weeds into his hands, ‘tonight may be better, be a man!’ came the playful c Read Full Post

So in my attempts to cope with the society I have moved into, Im learning the language. My tutor however came up with this list, couldnt stop laughing.

Top 10 Rukiga swear words

1.Kakyogenyoko -fuck your mum
2.Obyekifera -you are an oxen
3. Tumbafe -you are stupid
4.Kakanyoke -you die ( hehehehehe)
5. Ndakuswewra -Fuck you
6. Nagumagyere -you walk like a duck
7. Odyembwa -you are like a dog
8.Ori omushija kushwerera ndijo -you are gay (no offence GUG)
9.Ori kunyampa -you are a c***
10. Ori maraya -You are a prostitute

Feel free to expand the list, he might have missed out something.


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why is it that just because i misunderstood or misinterpreted what you told me, i don’t care

why is it that when i keep quiet, am hiding something from you or i don’t want to talk to you

why is it that she thinks am a player just ’cause am good with girls

why is it that when she gets mad, its justified, but when i get mad, am being unfriendly

why is it that she expects me to put up with her bad behavior

why is it that love is such an ugly business and yet we still live for it

why is it that i never cook nowadays and yet am such a good cook

why is it that i feel like there’s never enough cartoons on tv

why is it that someone will only walk in on me seconds after i have violated my air space

why is it that the bathroom is my sanctuary, the one place i can think good and know am alone

why is that i can win a grammy in the shower

why is it that early morning exercises mess up the number Read Full Post

Even with the possibility of some of us being laid off or the school being closed down, I am still attending to people inquiring about the school. We already admitted the wife of one top government minister.

Last Friday Hon Musa Echweru came to inquire about the school but I had left office early that day so it is the Financial Officer who talked to him. No, his inquiry had nothing to do with disaster preparedness even though his advice on that would have been timely. He said he had heard a lot of good things about us and he wanted to know if we had evening programmes so that he can enrol. One former government minister went through us and so did the wife of one of the top church leaders. Maybe he had heard from one of them about us. Read Full Post

I was at the dentist’s yesterday. It wasn’t one of those social calls, you realise, I was in pain. I have a condition many refer to as “sensitive tooth”. It actually has a more technical term, but you don’t get to know that until they have stuck some funny strip in your mouth, asked you to bite hard and cautioned you on how it “may be a ‘little’ uncomfortable”. You have got to love the professionalism of the service sector.

So anyway, I went to see the dentist yesterday. Great guy, incidentally, the only thing I have against him is the amount of pain I suffer at his hands. To be fair, its actually my fault. I like stuff that has a reputation for messing up teeth. I brush my teeth and all, but whenever I visit the dentist, he pulls out this big ass mirror and shines this light as b Read Full Post

The Spoils: NYT feature on mining in Congo

This is Africa’s resource curse: The wealth is unearthed by the poor, controlled by the strong, then sold to a world largely oblivious of its origins.

On if Obama ran for president of a country in Africa. (Hat Tip: Africa is a Country)

And if Obama were an African and an candidate for the presidency of an African country? His opponent (any of Africa's George Bushes) would find a way to change the constitution to prolong his mandate beyond the expected term... being a candidate of the opposition party, he would have the opportunity to campaign. They would threat him, for example, as in Zimbabwe or in Cameroon: he would be physically attacked, arrested again and again, have his passport withdr Read Full Post

I hope you are blessed.
***
Thus says the LORD:

Cursed is the man who trusts in man And makes flesh his strength,Whose heart departs from the LORD. For he shall be like a shrub in the desert,And shall not see when good comes,But shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness,In a salt land which is not inhabited.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,And whose hope is the LORD.For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,Which spreads out its roots by the river,And will not fear when heat comes;But its leaf will be green,And will not be anxious in the year of drought,Nor will cease from yielding fruit.

Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says:
"Today, if you will hear His voice,Do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion,In the day of trial in the wilderness,Where your fathers tested Me, tried Me,And saw My works forty years.Therefore I was angry with that generation,And said, 'They always go astray in their heart,And they h Read Full Post

Male skunkee decided to give me an anniversary present that would add value to my life......and trust me it did! The drive down to Jinja was surreal! I kept giggling at the upsurdity of what I was about to do. It was incredulous that someone in their rightful mind was a willing passenger in a car being driven by a conspirer on a suicide mission! But there we were, trying to drive carefully so as not to have an accident or get caught by the cops.........as if trying to avoid any obstacles to achieving our objective! We get to Jinja and suddenly I realize this is real! My heart is suddenly filled with fear.....dread-and my head says, look, if you get there and you dont feel like doing it, then dont do it! I tell Male skunkee and he says, " I have not driven this far for nothing.....you will jump today!" He makes the call to the guy in-charge of the jump and the guy says he will be ready for us at 5:30PM. I am grateful cause surely by that time I will have come up with a reasonable excus Read Full Post

The General Secretary Bible Society of Uganda Mr. Henry Kalule hands over a clerical shirt to Rev. Jane Toodera

Henry Kasule, Bishop Nelson Onono-Onweng and Rev. Joyce Lakot, members of the Bible Society and Clergy of the Diocese of Northern Uganda pose for a general photo after receiving the clerical shirts

As preparation for the visit of the Archbishop of the Church of Uganda gains momentum, the clergy of the Diocese of no Read Full Post

hey...lol....have nothing much to say...so i thought i would stick to what i know.....

As the night withers away
I think of you, only of you
My soul is imprisoned with the image of you .
It varies from the last song I heard
To the new song at sunrise
All meaningful, incredible, pleasurable, unforgettable
Unconditionally you’re there for me
Undeniably you inspire me
Spiritually you are so sweet
Is it just my imagination that I love you
Or do you really love me the way that I do you
I hear it in your voice
I see it in your smile.
And even within a distance
I am made stronger
Because I know you are there waiting for me
As I am waiting for you. Read Full Post

So, i thought i would do a separate post about my fall, after doing this one but on second thought, am just going to do them together,

THE FALL,

So am teaching web design to a class of 10 students, today was day today, and i had a good feeling about it, since we were beginning to do the real stuff, so anyway, at one point, one of the trainees, asks a question, i go over to their desk, to show them, now, as i am walking away, and this happened really fast, my feet get tumbled in a batch of cables, and the next thing i knew, i was just flying through the air, feet tangled, and wham! on the floor.  true story. and thats all am saying about it,

MY SPECIAL BROWN SESAME BREAD

Both my parents are diabetic and i have been looking for ways to get them nice sugar free, low calorie breakfasts, and thus, - brown sesame bread. i put together this recipe and i totally love it, the, bread came out, finally after 3 hours, of preparation, rising, kneadi Read Full Post

                 Your snake is strangling your dog.                                      - caption competition (the New Yorker) my head is spinning. am taking in way too much information than my brain can process…… aaaaaaaaah!  I want to listen to [...] Read Full Post

When Obama borrowed the slogan "Yes, We Can" translated from latin (Si Se Puede) used in 1972 by the United Farm Workers under Cesar Chavez. It was more than words.... It was an attitude that dispelled UNILATERALISM and embraced team work, unity and a sense of SHARED vision.

GUYS.... i know some of you are going.... WAAAAAA!!!

Remember that through CHRIST JESUS... Si Se Puede!! Read Full Post

It’s been a while since I last blogged. Frankly I was becoming too comfortable not blogging and I guess it was beginning to be imagined that I had fallen off the surface of the earth. So here, I am checking in to let it be known that I am still living, breathing and kicking. And [...] Read Full Post

Isn’t it sad?
The ridiculous effort,
We make
To live…
A life in which
Every day we die a little,
When it gets too much,
We might hide in the contents of a bottle,
Scream at each other,
Fight over things that mean so little,
Hold on to what we will not remember in the end,
Stress about what we save, what we spend
Of sense and insanity we make a funny blend Read Full Post

How do I begin this? I’ve written 101 opening paragraphs for this kalango but none of them worked. So I’m just going to dive in. Writing is a subject close to my heart and now I am going to do something about it.

From nursery school to university, nothing in the Ugandan syllabus really teaches us to write. Nothing and no one. Some might think writers are born, and that no amount of teaching can make up for that natural talent, but I beg to differ. Granted, not everyone is going to be a novelist, but the basics of writing apply to us a lot more than we think. From high school love letters to CVs and application letters, research reports, signposts, company mission statements, song lyrics and wedding vows - everyone has to utilise some kind of writing at some point. And it helps your chances if you do it well.

So how do we do it if we no one trains us how? This is my small chance to answer one of the many questions I am always asking. I hereby post my kalango Read Full Post

Or, it is not easy coming up with this shit. Not as easy as some people make it. Some people just look out of the window and a vibrant, wondrous world, bursting as it is with light and colour  instantly inspires them to spin enchanting tales. About onions, for example. Other people get drunk and let their [...] Read Full Post

Authentic Ugandan jackfruit via TumwiIn all the election excitement and liveblogging frenzy, I missed a week. I'm making it up to you with a trip to Uganda.

That's right, blogren. I'm coming back for two weeks in January, and if there's not already a Uganda Bloggers' Happy Hour planned (I'm looking at you and you and you), I Read Full Post

Either Obamamania has refused to go away or some people just know how to make quick money. Ugandans love to party and any excuse will do. Oh, well, at least I got to know that Blue Africa Restaurant changed names to 'Super Paradise' (how do you like the name, eh?). Also, here's where I've wasted most of the Company's time today. I hope you'll understand why couldn't tear myself away from Cake Read Full Post

Remember Akeem Oboro…the guy I told u about sometime back. Akeem is a swell guy. We became friends then and in the process of friendship and becoming tight buddies, I blab about my blogging. And I go ahead and give him my blogsite. About a week ago, we were IMing and out of the blue he [...] Read Full Post

right now am going through an interior designing phase one that i hope doesnt end seeing as am enjoying it quite abit! look at these stunning pictures of attention to detail i am in ove with these!that sink got me thinking the amount of unsual pieces that we could use like pottery instead of sinks they are water tight right?it doesnt get any better than this if it does and you know where let me know. am trying my hand at interior designing, landscape designing and wedding planning and the guinea pigs are my family and their property to be specific my father's house, my aunty's house and my cousins wedding. so far so good, i would like to think its because i dont have a time limit except for the wedding of course but the landscaping is developing well taking it one day a Read Full Post

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Here I am, swapped the city life for a more fulfilling one I hope.

Or was it the eye candy........ Mike (medical student from the US)

I stopped blogging for a while because; honestly I had nothing to write about. I was bored, nothing excited me anymore and it’s my responsibility to keep myself entertained in this short life that Read Full Post

I believe in miracles. I have seen some. I know they happen. I know that my God is a living God. And I know that the greatest miracle is the miracle of salvation. Of someone being born into the family of Christ. But sometimes my faith is weak. Why is it taking so long for my loved one to receive this miracle? Are we not praying enough? Is he just not meant to come to salvation? I have questions. But I'm still hoping for a miracle. Read Full Post

Look at my Goddess
doing her duty
with the grace and beauty
of a WonderWoman

just a little more, baby
give me just a little more

even with a crown or a cape
she couldn't be more superhuman
if love is faith
then she's my Holy Qu'ran

we're almost here, baby
baby almost here
baby's so so near

Look at her shut her eyes
to fire that one last shot
that's right, baby,
give us all you've got
my Beautiful Baby
you're such a Queen

then she giv Read Full Post

A certain blogger I love asked me to post. So here you go, Erique. :-)

My eyes are red, my head throbs and I need caffeine.

I'm a bear, growling behind a "Do not disturb" sign.

This here is a sample of what I'm gonna look like for the next couple of weeks:





That's right. I'm studying for finals.

And trying to beat the procrastinator's signature back-log.

Will be back soon. (I hope!)

Peace out. Read Full Post

There is a thing about new stuff that gets you wanting to try them. You know, like your first phone: never slept till i new almost half the functions, new bike: fell off but attempted to try again, new TV: pressed all the buttons till I realized there as some thing breathing down my neck and he [...] Read Full Post

First of all, he dresses up like captain crunch for court and comes in 20 minutes late and it’s ok. He doesn’t stop at that, Micheal jackson this time has taken it a step further and is seeking to give his testimony by video link from the United States and i bet my left n%& they’r going to let him But ain’t [...] Read Full Post

He looked again. Damn it! Her friends were still around. She was more than a just friend to him and the burden of letting her know was getting unbearable. He had to let her know. He could not fathom why bad luck always picked on him. Memories of that night he had been publicly [...] Read Full Post

So i have been told that i confuse a fair lot of you with my extremely verbose and vastly circuitous language on this blog. Oh dear! i did not know that i was that horrid a story teller. Ah well. I forge ahead, rubber must be laid on the road to make progress, yes? [pause for comment]

We wish to welcome back a member of our congregation, crowd, kern, whathaveyou. Mini. Welcome back, not so sure for the moment whether you were missed or not. [Mini = Apple Mac Mini, whose power supply had come a cropper when it attempted to wrestle a huge bolt of electricity when it challenged it for its lunch money. Well, it did not do quite so well. Its efforts were appreciated as it was being pummelled into a veritable pulp it did not indeed give up the stacks thus no valuable parts in the computer were damaged, at least not discernibly. The smoke issuing from the cd slot is rather suspect though.]

In other news:

We move on to further silliness in the usual form of lolcat pict Read Full Post

Our boss called for an emergency meeting today. It is the third of its kind where the issue of no money has arisen. It is the second where the possibility of some of us being laid off has been mentioned as a cost-cutting measure. The decision will be made on Friday by our Board of Directors.

My Boss B warned me yesterday about my late coming. “Organize yourself so that you start coming early. In your appraisal, you have scored high credits on everything apart from time keeping.” I took that to mean that I might be handed a pink slip as a result of my position being made redundant or me being laid off.

We have a huge debt of 172 million which includes NSSF and URA. A huge percentage of our budget depends on donations from our friends and supporters in the US and U.K but lately, they have been slow in sending us money.

Naye nze I am tired of working in this place. I’ve been here for 9 years and I have never worked anywhere else. I feel I ne Read Full Post

Al Mamlakah al Arabiyah as Suudiyah: or The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia Pre-Islamic Period: By 1000 B.C., southern Arabia had evolved significantly as a result of steady contact with the outside world via the trade routes that spanned the region. Exports in frankincense and myrrh brought wealth and global connections to present-day Bahrain, Yemen, Oman, and southern [...] Read Full Post

today was the first day of the easysites course, about 3 months ago, my boss asked me if i would like to be the trainer for that course, i said sure no problem, (am still not so sure why i said that) today i walked into that room scared as hell, my palms sweating, my mind completely blanck i couldnt even remember what a website is, but the trainees turned out to be a lively bunch, and am soooo glad, i cant wait for day two of training.
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And I thought Carlo’s template was pink.

Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, brilliant Knights of the Edge student, crazy girl, silly, bubbly beyond belief and a genius in the making.

I give you, the The Rising Page.

Show some love like only the Blogren can.

Man, tis becoming one heck of a party, this blogging bidness.

Rock on bloggers, you guys rule!

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Never take a short cut after dusk…No matter how bright the moon may seem….. Bumpy at each turn and twist the road seemed to be mocking us. The further we went the narrower it became., I still wonder what possessed me to even think about taking that route!!! Anyway, so there we are rocking in the car [...] Read Full Post

My heart skips a beat x 4

Wash me over gentle waters
Help me follow my stream in this ocean of life, life, life, life
Fish coming in different species
Another one of life's lessons
And at times my blessings seem few and far between
All these politics, I'm sandwiched in between
Yet the twins good and bad never cease to exist
My eyes are salty from the fear of swimming alone
Though heroes are born in adversity,
Heroes are born in adversity

My heart skips a beat x4

For what it's worth I thought I should write you this letter
Maybe it might make me feel a bit better
Than this ball of destruction you were busy constructing in my mind
While all the while I thought you were kind
And yet I feel it again the the the discomfort that
Could it be you that is bringing the breakdown and the showdown of the rising of this Queen?
With reins of infinite passion you drown me in
Just after the Read Full Post

Ever since i could tie my own shoe laces and button up my own shirt, i have not heard one good thing said about Mondays-- that first day of the week or is it the second, where nothing seems to go your way and you just cant seem to shake of the grogginess from a long weekend of fun and frolic.

In school mondays were as dreaded as an unexpected dormitory inspection, or maybe a surprise inspection was more welcome compared to a monday morning mathematics triple lesson of trig, matrices or logarithims --to draw a parallel Mondays come with all the things we loathe like unironed clothes, empty wallets and staff meetings.

So my understanding is our apathy towards this particular day of the week stems not from the fact that we cant get things to work out but instead we just hate having to try.

If we hate monday's then we hate our jobs, if we hate mondays then we despise having to go through the mundane monotonous tasks all over again.

Ronnie who w Read Full Post

Sheikh Mubajje and his co-accused Hassan Basajjabalaba and Idris Kasenene had been on trial since October 2006, after a group of Muslims led by the Kampala UMSC chairman, Sheikh Jjemba, accused them of selling Plots 30 and 102 on William Street in Kampala—without the knowledge of the executive committee of the Uganda Muslim Supreme Council [...] Read Full Post

It’s been a while

Since I can say that I wasn’t addicted

And it’s been a while

Since I can say I love myself as well

It’s been a while

Since I’ve gone and fucked things up just like I always do

And it’s been a while

But all that shit seems to disappear when I’m with you

And it’s been awhile

Since I’ve seen the way the candle lights your face

And it’s been a while

But I can still remember just the way you taste

                                                     -Staind

 

I just took some time off with Extra Special to recharge my batteries. Set to return with a bang sometime next week. I hope you are all well.

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She can crook her eye-brow and her left eye-brow was crooked all the way when she saw my latest screen saver...and then insisted on scrolling through my pictures folder.The addiction is baaaad! I have reached the extent of sub-folders in the folder for different models of cars.

She wanted to know, "What's next? Football and one club you support fanatically every weekend? You're not going all crazy on me, are you?"

Now if she only knew what I actually have in mind... ;-) Read Full Post

Welcome to the latest edition of Penis News Around The World. Your one-stop penis information source. If it is happening in the world of penii, we shall google it and find it and tell you all about it. Transsexual men in Sweden— that is women who have undergone operations to have them converted into males — [...] Read Full Post

The self evaluation madness continues. I know I have talked much about fear, etc, but it not the fear we all identify with, it’s a different breed of fear. Maybe The Apprentice and Mr B2B and The Emrys can identify, plus most of you anyways.

So.

Two profound things I’ve read on bravery and courage, one I read today, the other I read a couple of years back.

Bravery is not the absence of fear, but the will to overcome it.
- John Berridge

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.< Read Full Post

the first time i attended THe Maurice Kirya Experience, that was like last tuesday last month ( last tuesday of the month0 i thought it was artsy and really nice, especially coz they did poetry so i registered to read my own composition the next Experience and ... iam!
so i hereby invite you all to come see me read my own poem at the THe Maurice Kirya Experience, the last tuesday of the month, this month november, from 7pm till 9pm... at the rouge..
please come with other friends.
thanks for your support. (lol as though soliciting for some charity fundraising)
and for those far far away, if you find you cant stay away, please do come...
if not for anything, for me to see your lovely faces, kiss and hug, shed a tea Read Full Post

Sex of a Fly?.. Read Full Post

Today I looked at u
I looked at you in detail
I looked at you smile.
I looked at you looking back at me
You made me smile.
You made sigh even without a touch
You made me long for you
Today i exhaled. Read Full Post

I traversed the internet at 2a.m. I wasn’t blogging. Too tired for that. I wasn’t facebooking. Sick of reading what the world is up to. I wasn’t googling. Too much information for one day. I was doing what could make ma and pa ground me for at least a decade. I was…we’re friends, right? Promise [...] Read Full Post

You are in the middle of proceedings and get an urgent call from the southern area code…

Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing! Briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

“dude!”

you, breathlessly, “son, what the fuck?” you hiss, “can you not see i am busy here?”

“but you see…we have a delivery, now!” he insists.

“bloody hell, you have awfully perfect timing!”

This is as you try and figure out how to get your sorry self off to the bathroom without arousing suspicion as to your intentions barring which you shall be barred from said bedchamber or indeed place of residence, and other comforts that may or not include your clothing which might or might not include your money clip or wallet, as the case may be.

I have been informed that lasses do detest being interrupted… in session and for such banality as an urge to pee. A reminder that its the same org Read Full Post

Today i saw my friend Joppe for the last time, tomorrow he and Maleine will leave Kampala for the Netherlands and i don’t know if i will ever see him again, it seems really strange, that  i won’t be seeing him again, that i have to find someone new to go watch weird movies with, that i he won’t be there to tell me that its ok to watch family guy, that he won’t be here to completely mess up my hair after i spent ages getting it in shape, that there will be no one for me to turn to and whisper  ‘I hate gimp’ or ‘adobe rules’ . it seems weird that he will be gone. its seems even more weird that after nearly seven months, i cant find one picture of him on my hard disk

Goodbye Joppe

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