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Chanelno5's Weblog

June 15, 2010
17:02
Need a fixer?
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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Travelling to Soroti in Northern Uganda and need a fixer? Micheal Achol is your guy Contact him on (+256)779764877 For making contacts, interpretations whatever a fixer does he can do COntact me for any queries Read Full Post
April 01, 2010
10:35
Go on, get the cut
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March 02, 2010
11:43
A woman’s first Clinical delivery
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A woman’s first clinical delivery The pain was intense, coming at short intervals. She touched her stomach, remembering what the doctors had told her during her visits to Kathe Medical Care. Consolanta Kebikari was in her ninth month already, any sign of pain could mean contraction and that the baby was coming. That is what [...] Read Full Post
January 14, 2010
14:09
I cant find the right title for this post because nothing can spell it out completely. All I know they make my heart skip an hour.
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November 07, 2009
19:39
JOLYNE BABIRYE MAGOOLA and JORDAN KATO MAGOOLA.
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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Born October 25 2009 at 7.05am and 7.16a.m after nine gruesome hours of contractions and a hour an a half of labour. You don’t know pain until you go through labour. You don’t know joy until you see the fruits of that pain and the nine long months which was seven and a half for [...] Read Full Post
October 23, 2009
16:22
How Could you?
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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I used order for a urine when I still taking this drink. That was before it kept me up all night and turned me into a zombie all day. Today I woke up to this Mountain Dew advert. Honest who went and thunk this one up? Its like the guy is throwing up into the [...] Read Full Post
October 20, 2009
9:37
Heeeeeellllp
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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I am conducting a sort of survey and I need you aswesome people to tell me what is the most popular computer game played in your offices? Is it Solitaire, snooker? Pool. scrabble? Or you just love to facebook twitter, blog, or chat. How do you waste your bosses time and resources? Anything goes just [...] Read Full Post
October 16, 2009
15:34
Baby Shower Pixs
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For yall no shows it was FUN in caps I was honoured and probably scared a few souls off walking down this lane wat with the larger than like stomach. Sometimes I cannot believe it is attached to my body but here the people gatta grow and grow and be healthy. But thank you thank [...] Read Full Post
October 05, 2009
19:57
Whose wedding is it anyway???
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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Planning a wedding? Many people want their budgets at over 50 million shillings. No? 100 million you said? Now take a peek at this wedding that ended up in the bride and groom saying their i dos, taking a limo drive and enjoying the prestige at their high table. The Bridesmaids Stilettoes and bouquets are [...] Read Full Post
October 02, 2009
15:26
Going Solo
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Who remembers this one? “Who willu be the witness oh my Lord, who willu As I am a Munyankole girl I should marry a Munayokole boy but a munyankole boy is falaaway leti me choose anoza one.” Everybody Anyone who can tell me the meaning of these words. Thank God google wont give you the [...] Read Full Post
September 29, 2009
18:40
Joel dishes out revenge
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And when Kabushenga apologised it really sounded too good to be true how the whole New Vision went down on her or is it his knees and asked mengo, Buganda, Baganda, and the last muganda in Lusaka lwamese to forgive New Vision. Bet he must have known what was coming to them. Now CBS is [...] Read Full Post
September 18, 2009
7:44
Not really new but this hit is ...
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Not really new but this hit is off the HOOK. Nuff said. see for yourselefu. Cheribel wamma I am hoping you havent watched this. I know Antipop you haven’t as you are buried into that stress called a job so I hope you enjoy it. The good thing is its not pop. [...] Read Full Post
September 15, 2009
10:48
I sure will miss Ramadhan
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Nanti I have been enjoying the pleasure of eating amidst people without the worry that someone is going to jump from nowhere and demand for half my breakfast, ice cream, cake. Here I was thinking those of begging stopped in high school naye wapi. One time I attempted to have this stupidly expensive Nido milk [...] Read Full Post
September 04, 2009
10:29
What is that I hear?
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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…..Keep coming to my phone, calls text. IMs, emails. That someone gave me a stomach. This is how Ugandans ask “They gave you a stomach? Hahahaha heheheheha Kyoka you girlo. Ahem bakumaze“ And the next person. “Oh my God who gave you a stomach? Who is that one who finally managed to put you down?“ And yet another [...] Read Full Post
August 24, 2009
16:44
Piece of me
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1. What time did you get up this morning? 2am. 2. How do you like your steak? Well done lots of salt nebigenderako 3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Australia 4. What is your favorite TV show? Ugly Betty no Desperate housewives no How I met no. Boston Le.. yup Boston legal 5. If you could live anywhere [...] Read Full Post
August 10, 2009
18:30
Imagine…..
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……what demands Buganda would make if the oil wells in Hoima were on Ganda soil. Wasnt me who coined that question I just stole it from Gilbert Mwijuke I swear. Please dont report me they will chase me off their land before they even discover oil here. But seriously I think they would have told [...] Read Full Post
July 24, 2009
9:24
Where would journalism be…
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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…If Buganda were a federo state. Would freedom of the media still exist in Uganda if baganda were running the show? Would there be any freedom anyway if everything that irked the Kabaka was boycotted, set ablaze? Was it really in everyone’s best interest for CBS to drag in the reporters history as an Aboke girl? Cant the [...] Read Full Post
July 21, 2009
16:27
Can you believe this????
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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A man who killed a lion with his bare hands, only to be attacked by a pack of hyenas moments later, succumbed to his injuries and died in hospital, Kenyan media reported Tuesday. Moses Lekalau, a 35-year-old herdsman, was walking home from a neighbouring village in Maralal, some 250 kilometres north of the capital Nairobi, [...] Read Full Post
July 17, 2009
12:33
Shame on you
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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For throwing away food in the trash when people are starving in Teso. I mean surely how do you make the trip to the dustbin to throw away half a plate of food? How do you leave food on the plate when some kids up north need it? How can you let bread go bad? [...] Read Full Post
July 02, 2009
12:03
PHEW!!!! It’s all so gone
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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….the dark cloud has passed over my silver lining, I see it, i see it its there, theeerre, hehhehehahahahaha. Now I even the sun coming out, the damn yellow thing is here, muhahahahaha. I feel for those who are still hating their mornings, breaks, lunches, afternoons, evenining, nights and all the days. Its F**)*^&(&KING HELL [...] Read Full Post
June 22, 2009
15:51
Dedicated esp to S.King
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Chanel to the class: Neeeeeews news Bloggers: Yes prease madamu Chanel: My name is Chanel and others, When I was walking in Wandegeya minding my stearing I met Cheri Chantal Gipir Labong the great. Bloggers: Where where where? Eh eh kyoka you ka galo kale nga you are a liar. Also you tello us the tulusi. Even you mean [...] Read Full Post
June 16, 2009
19:08
Its murder indeed
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Yes abortion is murder, if you know the story ladies get on the pill injection, norplant, coil, female condom, ask him to wear one. If you are done having kids get the tubal ligation. Today I am here for the fellows though, the guys, gents, niggas, brothers, the men. Bloggers would you ever consider getting castrated? [...] Read Full Post
June 15, 2009
10:55
And then they were nine
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On my recent visit to Kisumu a woman walked into Kmet Medical Clinic in Kisumu with a six month old in hand. Soon as she stepped inside a little toddler probably clocking 2 years follows grabbing on his shorts to keep them in place. And another follows with a potbell leading the way, pulling back [...] Read Full Post
June 08, 2009
14:44
People…..
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You mean everyone must say “Its my birthday today? Kale its my birthday today. And if you must know the magic number is 26. You can find me at Spectrum with all your presents. And Cheri will be a year older soon Read Full Post
June 02, 2009
18:06
Before you cast the stone…
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One of the reasons why abortion is still going on in huge numbers by unskilled dangerous persons is because of this kind of thing “Oh my God how could you kill a life? You are a murderer. It doesn’t matter your reasons you are still a murderer. Gasiya tuu” No wonder you sit there and pretend [...] Read Full Post
April 29, 2009
12:43
I was saying….
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……..the husband recognizes situation at hand employs all manner of politeness and calm, humbles self, coils his tail says girlfriend was totally in the wrong but she begs for officer’s forgiveness. “At least help me she won’t do it again.” With all the shares we were flaunting in the officers face the man also knows [...] Read Full Post
April 28, 2009
8:27
Dont know what to call this one but….
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Over the weekend I watched drama live on comedy central I mean first street industrial area. Baz remember there was that old tired lullaby of a night-out-of-town idea called street jam. I even saw you there. Ok I didn’t. So anyway a friend of mine drives over to pick her boyfriend (?!) so they could go home [...] Read Full Post
April 25, 2009
14:31
Made in Uganda
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The end of the road wasn’t coming and I was getting irritated with the rotten surroundings around me. He said that we were going to interview Judith Heard surely she could never put up in such slums? Where would she park her Bentley on top of one of the shacks that pass off as a [...] Read Full Post
April 21, 2009
13:48
Forgive me bloggers for ……
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…..I am not well. AT ALL. Whatelse do I say after that? That I see you everyday at yours. And that I miss Antipop And that Mr Bigg is alive and kicking serious butt and says hi And that why is everyone not blogging like they used to. And that at least Tumwi has lived up to it shame on [...] Read Full Post
April 02, 2009
15:32
…. is naked
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I mean the state of Ugandan football is naked. Discuss. Read Full Post
March 24, 2009
18:08
Chanel loves Internet Jjaja
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I got into office at 7.25a.m and asked for the papers. A colleague gave me the damn red rag saying “Here read about yourself”. What now what have I not done wrong this time? Weekly Observer’s scribe Shifa Mwesigye is certainly the happiest gal alive at the moment after she met her muzungu internet lover for [...] Read Full Post
March 20, 2009
12:55
Do you have a condom?
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally went bra-less. She would regularly [...] Read Full Post
March 14, 2009
19:05
P.I.M.P@chanel.com
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I would like to take this moment to apologise to the acad……. On second thought, I am not sorry for dumping your asses these couple of weeks. It was all worth it, every hour, minute second. In other news, I received this email from a ka guy I last met at campus. That was three years [...] Read Full Post
February 17, 2009
21:20
Not again….not another forward
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I know email forwards are what you crap everyday. You ‘urgh’ on them like its your best hobby before you send them straight to where your other spasm is, in the waste bin. But some are so funny they put the day back into your good. However you wanna say it humour me. But iI read [...] Read Full Post
February 13, 2009
17:36
This move cut goes to Igiss
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Igiss, son (yeah we speak the same language even. Even we…) you should learn some of these tricks of the trade. Here is a forward I thought I should share with you. Quit with the Mr Nice guy, we girls want a bad ass guy like this. Yup Mr Bigg is a BAD ASS. Thats [...] Read Full Post
February 07, 2009
10:11
What THE….
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…..F)(&*&*(%*^ is this bullshit? Your wife’s annoying habits Ashraf Simwogerere, actor, writer and producer Going somewhere without informing me or getting my permission is a very nagging thing because she expects me to tell her every detail of my whereabouts. Not minding and caring about my welfare like leaving me to iron my own clothes or serve myself [...] Read Full Post
January 28, 2009
21:33
A Mr. Big joint:I HAD NO IDEA HOW MUCH HUSBANDS ARE WORTH. NOW I HAVE RENEWED ENTHUSIASM TO EXIST.
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This Sunday February 1st is Superbowl Sunday. While the rest of the World has it’s world cup every four years, Americans have the league finals of the National Football league(NFL) of pro American football every first Sunday of February and boy is it a spectacle. Retailers get a spike in sales of Televisions, beer, pizza [...] Read Full Post
January 21, 2009
23:16
Gigolo hunts for lot’sa dough
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A couple of months ago, five to be precise; August 4 2008 to be even more precise 3N a Kenyan blogger put up this post on cougars and their toy boys. The writer summed up his post with a picture of Demi Moore who be defiling the young bubbly Ashton Kutcher. That baby boy totally [...] Read Full Post
January 12, 2009
11:37
Answers@chanel.net
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Ok that Karamoja thing is racist or tribalist or what so I will just say we shall not wait for Thr33, Mrs B2B and King to make up their minds. Now now people eh nga you can want to know. Mpozi Antipop said I tell it like it is? Hmmmm. Sparkavelli, Riyalle???? Anyway lets play [...] Read Full Post
January 08, 2009
15:39
Ask.com
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Its some dragging start of the year I tell you. Bloggers be hybernating, others be recollecting, Cheri be lying to us over and over again. I be reading and re-reading posts. And B2B unearthed a post that had me stealing his idea. I wanna air my dirty laundry to all and sundry. So how about you [...] Read Full Post
January 03, 2009
0:13
Give me Cynthia Rothrock right NOW…
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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In my past life I was a softy. You might wanna read that again because I said In My Past Life. That was then. Try crossing my path now, my back hand grip will meet your face. So in this past life I had a friend of mine, very good friend in fact best friend. Oba? [...] Read Full Post
December 27, 2008
11:40
Wrong Side Business
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I needed to know, I needed to know the truth, I needed for him to tell me the truth so that I can start a new year as a new person. But I was scared. Scared shitless, everyone is scared of that moment right? Breaks a heart so bad that even when you breath the air [...] Read Full Post
December 22, 2008
10:32
Bloggers you ROCK….
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I would like to take this moment to say to all of you that I am SPEECHLESS. I don’t know where to start. What you don’t know is that when I left home to come and meet you guys in town I didn’t have electricity. So you can imagine I was in panic but thanks [...] Read Full Post
December 18, 2008
10:59
Howdy happy people…..
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…..I am looking forward to playing hostess this saturday in fact i am nervous. I am the “is everyone confortable and having fun” kind of hostess. So I will be happy to have anyone at mine, even if its only you. I cant say my house is near town in fact becasue its far a [...] Read Full Post
December 16, 2008
20:51
Of chatterbox journalists, Kagere’s Kwanjula and Blogger’s End of Year Party
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Some journalists in Uganda can annoy. I watched Caroline Mbabazi on Siasa /Kampala Central/EATV trying to educate her fellow panelists that there is a law in Uganda that allows Red Pepper to poke their nose into your privacy and tell lies about you and the size of your thingie if they so wish. [...] Read Full Post
December 12, 2008
23:41
Can I hear you say HOUSE WARMING?
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Wats cookin my good people?!?? So I was away letting her and her have their shine. Now if you will excuse me ladies and move over I want my throne back. In case you are wondering (Or not) I have been trying to spend Christmas in Spain but my plans fell apart when boss man [...] Read Full Post
December 01, 2008
22:31
Eye Candy: YUMMY!!!!
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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So which one is your favourite pair of jeans? Gotcha SUCKERS Read Full Post
November 27, 2008
7:30
Another Mr. Big joint: THE VIEWS EXPRESSED BY THE FOLLOWING GRAPHIC A NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF THIS BLOGGER.
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November 25, 2008
1:37
How lonely got her groove back
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Call it midnight my time and I am sitting in my house drowning in my loneliness. Don’t stay alone too long you might hang yourself. So anyway I chance on Oprah’s show and she be interviewing the girls from my best soap Sex and the City. You should have seen how fast I threw [...] Read Full Post
November 19, 2008
18:41
Another Mr. Big Joint: Just checking in.
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It’s been a while since I last blogged. Frankly I was becoming too comfortable not blogging and I guess it was beginning to be imagined that I had fallen off the surface of the earth. So here, I am checking in to let it be known that I am still living, breathing and kicking. And [...] Read Full Post
November 14, 2008
18:35
Will I see you there?
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This came into my mail yesterday and thought its something you guys to see if you havent recieved it yet. It came from a group called “Greatestdemonstration Uganda”. What I know is that I will be there if not as a reporter as a Ugandan who painfull pays Social Security. Those chaps better be [...] Read Full Post
November 08, 2008
8:50
KAKA
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Because it’s the topic of the day I thought I should share this forward. What is your type/s 1. GHOST KAKKA: The kind where you feel the kakka come out, but there is no kakka in the toilet. 2. CLEAN KAKKA: The kind where you kakka it out, see it in the toilet,but there is nothing on [...] Read Full Post
November 06, 2008
2:12
Another Mr. Big joint: BEFORE THEY BECAME FAMOUS.
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Spot the celebrity. I happen to have the same alma mater with a famous human being who ya assignment for today is to identify/spot. I chanced on this photo on Facebook( where all past things people are not too proud of come to life). He was a couple of classes a head of me.Seeing him today, [...] Read Full Post
November 03, 2008
19:07
Met my new crush Joe……
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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Not the Plumber I mean Joe The Biden. This witty Democrat can diss without trying. Biden on Giuliani during Tuesday’s MSNBC debate: “Rudy Giuliani… I mean, think about it! Rudy Giuliani. There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence — a noun, a verb, and 9/11. There’s nothing else! There’s nothing else! And I [...] Read Full Post
October 31, 2008
6:34
Another Mr. Big joint: BOYFRIENDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS.
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You prolly all know Cinderella Sanyu aka Cindy’s story by now. Formerly of the band BLU3, she got kicked out, embarked on a solo career- exposing herself in the nude along the way. There was an article about her in Monday’s Monitor. For those who didn’t see it, it’s here. This blog post is mainly focused [...] Read Full Post
October 29, 2008
15:32
One of us is a year older and a Blondie
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Gwanga Gwanga mugye. I wanna take this moment to inform the blogger academy that it is wait for it Waiiiit Wait Drum Roll Gwanga Mugye issssss ANTIPOP’s Birthday today. So HAPPY BIRTHDAY Auntie Pop (Thanks B2B) Antichild (Well don’t thank me) Anti Pussy (I found that at Erique’s coined by the birthday monkey herself) But anyways Happy Baside. PS: I have been BEGGING [...] Read Full Post
October 26, 2008
20:22
Bucket List
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I be here thinking imagine I died today what would I have missed away from that intarackto crap. Introducing Chanel’s Bucket List • Join a church choir. I am tired of looking at those women all dressed and looking like angles. I wanna make the line up. Yeah, yeah, I am a muslim, but whatevs!!! • Do the catwalk [...] Read Full Post
October 23, 2008
17:57
Another Mr. Big joint: DO YOU ALSO HAVE DIFFERENT SETS OF FRIENDS?
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Does this happen to any of you, having a couple of friends who don’t know each other? Well I have three girl friends who don’t know each other and they happen to all be preggers. Which somehow makes me wonder if they got preggers by committee. It’s like they all met one evening at a bar, pulled [...] Read Full Post
October 20, 2008
19:46
Who am I?
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I wrote this on Sunday at 1a.m I have just walked into my house from Tororo been attending a Kwanjula. I opened my blog and saw the comments on my previous post. For the first time for the three days I am crying. Crying so bad in my pillow for those people. I never did get [...] Read Full Post
October 17, 2008
22:45
When the walls come tumbling down
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Anyone wanna trade jobs with me? Well here is some of what I do for a living. This stuff puts bread on my table and pays the bills. It buys me the corsets and also gets me the free trips around the world. Well some. It also sends me to great depressions, I mean in [...] Read Full Post
October 14, 2008
7:30
Another Mr. Big joint: DID U KNOW MIRIAM MAKEBA IS GANGSTA?
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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A couple of weeks ago I was having a conversation with Chanel, I don’t exactly remember how we got to it, but along the way, she suggested that I start blogging here, and since I am so whipped by her fabulousness, I agreed without thinking twice. I figured I would throw in a word of [...] Read Full Post
October 08, 2008
11:56
RAMBLINGS
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First things first bloggers especially the ladies watch out for rapists muggers thieves and con artists. I didn’t think it was so bad until I saw this lady who was chopped across the face. And now its common practice to rob you of your life’s possessions in broad day light. In two days my two [...] Read Full Post
October 06, 2008
7:08
AND ANOTHER ONE- Another Mr. Big joint.
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Hey what’s up happy people? It’s me, Mr. Big, again. Last time we left off with me introducing myself and I noticed a bit of hateration going on in the comments section. Don’t hate. Please relate. Anyhow, when I signed up blog here, I guess the lovely Chanel and I imagined that the two of us together [...] Read Full Post
September 26, 2008
18:26
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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For a while now, the lovely Chanel has been peppering her blog posts with references to a Mr. Big and perhaps to some, this Mr. Big was some nonexistent made up creation. As I proceed to let you know that I am a real living, breathing, and kicking human being, I would like to also [...] Read Full Post
September 21, 2008
8:26
Kiss and Pay
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When New Vision was running their series on housegirls and their masters, i searched for this story to share it here. Then i finanly ran into it here When Cecilia threatened she would leave a scar in my life as a constant reminder of her, I called her bluff. “What can a housegirl do to me, [...] Read Full Post
September 19, 2008
12:30
Inky Pinky Ponky
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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My friend is a bitch, a blackmailing bitch. Well because we share something, we have managed to stay together for what 5 years? Anyway her better half gives her these really cool earrings I be jealous every step she takes in them. And some day she decides to cheat on him with me. Comes to [...] Read Full Post
September 15, 2008
21:56
Malo in Grahamstown
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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So I be away in those of outside countries and surely you don’t expect me not to show off do you? Yup I am here to rub my malo in your face and you are gonna take it like the cool people I left behind. I know I know you missed me. Yeah so did [...] Read Full Post
September 04, 2008
15:18
As promised here is the more….
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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And I am sorry there is no male butt but I will give you some male stuff all right…. Carlo and Dee looking all pretty and brainy Carlo again looking as pretty as always Your either with us or with him. Enough with the texting I bet you a million that was dedicated to Country Boyi Rather to carry my work [...] Read Full Post
September 02, 2008
22:32
Some BHH, more later
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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We be moving office that means disconnecting everything and connecting it again. the IT guy here is a quack; sometimes, actually many times. But anyway plus I have been on a rush and crash programe but I managed to catch a glance at some bagger;s crap. First the fotos then I will spill my guts [...] Read Full Post
August 27, 2008
17:30
Who cares for the fish?
from » ‎ Chanelno5's Weblog

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I don’t know whether to cry or laugh, feel sorry for or let my morals take into motions here. I don’t know if it’s offensive or not and I still don’t know what to do. To blog about this or not but I will go straight to the point after the back ground check So Uganda [...] Read Full Post
August 26, 2008
18:47
Please tel…
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Your lovers and Antipop that I am also going away, I need one of these things ASAP. Anyway that was just an excuse to get this photo here so I can see how it fits in well with the font. Antipop is already killing me. But yall already know she has that sweet smile. Would [...] Read Full Post
August 19, 2008
15:09
Sick and tired of being sick and tired
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I woke up this morning in one of the worst moods I have had going lately. By now I should be used to feeling like I am carrying the universe on my shoulder with all its burdens. But I wake up some days feeling worser than worse and every day it gets worse. I know that I should stop [...] Read Full Post
August 15, 2008
14:08
This move cut goes to Tumwi
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Oliver Nakitanda just won a race in the free style swimming competition. Haha. That is enough for a country that thought we would be knocked out at the very first try. Now she will have something to talk about when she comes home and all I can say is good luck trying your hand at [...] Read Full Post
August 08, 2008
15:25
Once in a life time
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Today is the 8th day of the 8th month of the 8th year, 8/8/08. Join the world to witness 8 seconds past 8 minutes at 8p.m on the 8th day of the eighth month on of the 8th year. 08:08:08 on 8/8/08. At 8pm the olympic torch will be lit in Beijing [...] Read Full Post