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Esquire

August 08, 2010
13:57
FW: What Racheal wants(tongue in cheek)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking In
D E Wasake Esq.

Last week, Susan(not real name) a close friend of mine was visited by her friend Racheal(not real name). This visiting friend it seems is newly single and so back to "hunting for a man".

She enlisted the help of my friend Susan. As i am a "good man" (albeit perhaps not available), Susan supposes i must know a few "fine ass" men like myself who i can introduce to her friend Racheal and so she sent me a forwarded email from Racheal with the list of "MUST HAVES" for her new man. I re produce the mail below:

................................................................................................................................................................ Read Full Post
January 26, 2010
3:05
A penny for my thoughts
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking In
D E Wasake Esq

I
On Pastor Sematimba(the second)
I saw the photos of his church on facebook. It is barely four months old but appears to be growing phenomenally. He is preaching, leading them in praise and worship. His eyes are closed in prayer. He is the pastor of the church(it seems). The seats are still plastic, like the ones fotogenix hires out enmasse for graduation parties, but it will grow. They all do. Ugandans are a pseudo religious bunch. They say He is God to the poor. We have loads of those.
Funny thing this(not as in ha ha) thing of his church though. About 10 years ago, we were all students, we all waited anxiously for the results of the spots maths test(gosh i hated c Read Full Post
January 10, 2010
23:30
Never Trust....(memoirs of a "Summer" recently in Uganda)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking In
D E Wasake

I spent the latter part of the holiday season in Uganda and boy oh boy...let me just dive straight in...like how my cousin Freddo...dived into the Luwombo....on Christmas day.

1) I don't trust chicks in buyi buyis......

Those chicks look all holy from the outside but i swear they could be wearing some freaky bikinis and having midgets under there or something crazy like that.
I was at the airport, the day I arrived, waiting for my brothers to pick me up, i had just bought a sim card and was chatting to someone about how the big freeze weather in the UK had caused me to miss my flight....anyway these two Somali like chicks, in their buyi buyis came and "sandwiched" me and walahi as soon as I Read Full Post
December 20, 2009
23:03
Help, I am turning into a girl
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside looking in
D E Wasake Esq

This last month has been good. I have had fun times. Had a party every weekend. Dubbed them "early bird winter party" series. In the process, i have become close to a couple of girls. Not close in the usual "getting down" way but close in the sense that they come over to your house, with Thai for takeaway and bring a bottle of wine, and then they start pouring their heart out....

"Dickson,you are guy, what should i do? I love Peter!"

"Oh my God, what is wrong with men, we went out last night, why hasn't he called since then?"

Great, just great, I am no longer perceived a threat by the girls, i am now one of the girls and they are telling me all their stuff... gosh!

La Read Full Post
December 13, 2009
22:46
When we were kings, a prospective. (this is sick part 4)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking In
D E Wasake Esq

President hotel

In the president hotel in kiev, on the second basement floor is a night club. But it is not a regular night club.It is a strip club, an exclusive strip club. I am a member, the only black member. My membership number is 09092009. The month, day and year, i first visited. The exotic dancers charge £50 for a 3 minute private dance. £25 for a public lap dance.

Smoking is permitted, drinking yourself to a stupor is permitted, in such state the girls earn more for teasing an alcohol filled dazed look. sniffing cocaine may be illegal but it is tolerated. The Indians who visit this city prefer to do it, albeit in the right hand corner. Away from the ent Read Full Post
December 06, 2009
13:04
This is sick(part 3)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking In
D E Wasake Esq.

10.26 am
Dickson: hmmm I see my story on the little girl's mum annoyed you...come on it's just a story..you are putting too much feeling into this...is the "alpha male "lion now reined in? ha ha...perhaps we need to have coffee to discuss this postulation...maybe we can re-enact "the Lion and the Jewel"...of course I am Baroka!

5.19 pm
Regina: haha..coffee...with Baroka I had forgotten that, loved it in school! I am looking forward to that. how do you like your coffee?

5.57 pm
D: Okay am still shocked that you replied. I was really leaping in the dark but then i guess i was right. The lady doth protest too much ...so she must like me but she is a fatal attraction one. One Read Full Post
November 29, 2009
14:52
This is sick (part 2)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside looking in
D E Wasake esq.

The following takes place between 12.00 midnight and 5.00 am ....on a saturday night

....Now how the hell am I supposed to find my underwear in this mess of a 6 year old kid. Everything scattered on the floor...loads of tiny pink clothes, pink dolls including one barbie one, one negro one...
and gosh the posters on the wall "staring" back at me.. "High school musical III" , "Hannah montana" and then there is the bloody pink guitar in the corner...are 6 year old girls this messy?

More stuff...there is stuff everywhere...Disney fairies, 2 yellow ducks, another poster; a picture of a teddy bear with one eye..must have been in a bar fight..another "disney fairy" poster...the fairy i Read Full Post
November 14, 2009
16:22
A wolf in a wolf's skin(the ROFLMAO post)
from » ‎ Esquire

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WOMANISER, PHILANDERER, ADULTERER, HEARTBREAKER....

.....According to rumour, these are a dying species if not actually extinct. No self respecting woman wants to be seen dead with one of these dinosaurs of a by-gone phallocentric age.
Prominent members of the breed have been spotted lining up at the clinics of eminent therapists to be cured of what has now been identified as the serious disease of "sex addiction". Sufferers are begging to be reformed, re-framed, re-programmed to be reborn as New Men.....

Really?
So why is the Womaniser never short of willing women? The adulterer makes whoopee with adulteresses, the philanderer with philanderines and the rake with rakettes? Why are these women swar Read Full Post
November 09, 2009
1:14
Essays on Uganda part 6: History: Controversies. Who shall bell the cat
from » ‎ Esquire

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Through the looking glass and what i saw there
D E Wasake Esq

When a "commoner" refused to kiss a Queen mother!

13 April 1893
(extracts from Sir Gerald Portal's diary)

Namasole (king's mother) came to visit me, riding on the shoulders of a strong man. She was dressed in a good leopard skin tied on the right shoulder, and a good mbugu ; nice intelligent old lady, with a cheerful, pleasant face ; had at least one very good-looking girl with her ; greatly admired my room ; gave her a Cashmere shawl and some good silks.

28th April 1893
Namasole, the queen-mother, came to see me. Was more than friendly. Gave her a sheet of paper and red and blue pencil. She wanted to kiss me on Read Full Post
October 20, 2009
1:37
Essays on Uganda part 5: History: When the unacceptable was acceptable
from » ‎ Esquire

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Through the looking glass and what i found there
D E Wasake Esq

My aunt Christine(RIP) was once visited by her mum's sister, "khukhu Bess mess" from deep in the village. In an effort to "civilise" the old lady, she put on the telly and by golly there was a show on Queen Elizabeth. Aunt Christine went on to excitedly tell her: "Aunt, see! that is the Queen Elizabeth, Queen of England and ruler of the whole world!".

Khukhu Bess mess then proceeded to ask her(very solemny i add):

"Is she a mugisu?"

The year is 1893, a British Commissioner, a diplomat with experience from Egypt and Abysinnia has been sent to the Country, to establish British rule over the territory and ann Read Full Post
October 12, 2009
1:02
Essays on Uganda Part 4: History: My father's mzungu sweetheart
from » ‎ Esquire

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Through the looking glass and what i found there
D E Wasake Esq.

Dear Dickson was your father a representative to the UN youth forum in the 1960s?(he would have been a teenager then if he's the person I am looking for). If so, can you please give me his contact info? I met him then....
Thanks!
Cathy Sufro (sent via facebook)

My father never spoke much. He still doesnt speak much. And now perhaps history is speaking for him. History. Its so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
Its over 40 years later, what does Cathy want to see through the looking glass? What does she expect to hear. That the revolutionary African she met was definitely going someplace and perhaps, she thinks he is a great man, whose name when whispered br Read Full Post
October 07, 2009
1:29
Essays on Uganda Part 3: History: early beginnings, culture and the legendary fear of the mother in law and the mujasi.
from » ‎ Esquire

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Through the looking glass and what I found there
D E Wasake Esq.

Part 1: Early beginnings

On the beginning of the rape of Africa(and it goes on): Blame our ancestral mothers who taught us to welcome our enemies.

We speak to-day of the great explorations for the opening up of the Dark Continent ; our proposed railways, increased trade, and our civilising agencies. But what is the true state of affairs ? alas ! it must still be called Darkest Africa. Thousands of square miles still un- explored, huge forests absolutely untouched, millions of her dusky sons in as gross a state of darkness as they were a thousand years ago. And this for all that more lives have been laid down for Africa, and a greater sacrifice of men to the ente Read Full Post
October 02, 2009
1:11
Essays on Uganda. History part 2; Bagisu's cannibalism revealed and King Awich was a hen pecked man!
from » ‎ Esquire

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Through the looking glass and what I found there.
D E Wasake Esq.
Growing up in school, it was not uncommon to be told by classmates that “mw'abagisu tubamanyi, muly'abantu”, which literally means, “we know you Bagisu, you eat people(cannibals).”
It was also not uncommon to hear that the Acholi women can only be won over by a man who is stronger than them and so to win her, he had to wrestle her to the ground(after a very vigorous chase.)
The Basoga always had jiggers in addition to being extremely big headed(“empwitu) and the Banyankore were lazy but very good looking.

Is there some truth in the origins to these statements? But what about in 1899, what did someone outside lo Read Full Post
September 20, 2009
14:10
Essays on Uganda part 1; who is this God of the white man?
from » ‎ Esquire

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Through the looking glass and what i found there.
D E Wasake Esq.

Uganda is weeping. Some are content to return to the bread and butter on the table. some think like Bismark that the decisions of the day are decided by "iron and blood" and some of us?
We are groaning for an understanding of what's happening. I am taking a step back. I am searching the annals of history. Will I be able to see where it all began. Maybe. Maybe i will only add to the confusion. But for what it is worth. I was here and i tried to shed a little light. A messenger, perhaps with a candle, in the hazy mist of the morning.
This is is the first part of the series. The beginning of modern day uganda's struggles, as i see it...
Read Full Post
September 17, 2009
1:29
From Russia with love(well not really)....
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking In
D E Wasake Esq

I have been to Russia and i am back with love...okay well not really...in both senses.

For a start I was in Ukraine and Ukraine is not Russia and infact today a Ukrainian would be insulted to be called Russian for the political tensions between those two countries are at present pretty high.... but if its anything to go by, they were both part of the Soviet Union and well, everyone in Ukraine speaks Russian(its the lingua franca), Russian music is more popular and even in the tourist market, the major items on display are matroyshka dolls and faberge eggs.

Secondly i am not in love..i was just using the title of a similarly titled James Bond movie(which i have ev Read Full Post
August 16, 2009
20:27
This is sick
from » ‎ Esquire

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02:11 am: Hey Dickson, forgive me if i disturb you, this is Elsa saying "hi", you met my man Jeremy today.

02: 13 am: So sorry dickson if i am disturbing you, are you sleeping? I just came back from my daughters 21st and am at Jeremy's now, but he is not here, he is working. Really sorry if i am disturbing you but its just that when i have a few drinks, i get horny. So what do you look like, are you good looking or are you minging, do you have a big dick like all you black guys?

09: 30 am: Elsa told me that you two were in contact last night, she got very wet this morning when we had sex, she is looking forward to a 3 way f%&k if you are up for it? She loves kinky sex.

I didn't know that the choir singer i had met 24 hour Read Full Post
August 09, 2009
12:30
I dont like growing older
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking In
D E Wasake

I have decided that growing older is depressing me.

its like a millstone around my neck and is especially worse when i look at photos from old skool.

It seems only yesterday that i was in school, having porridge and bread for breakfast, "cutting" morning prep and chapel, dreading Saturday and Sunday roll call in the quadrangles, escaping to go swim in the pool(swamp?) at Nansove, and then now I look at the photos and they are 10 years old and i feel, BUT I HAVENT AGED A DAY!
and then i look and compare with the photos of some of the guys in today's photos and i am wondering;

Look at that chunky chips...look at his pot belly....looks like a man gorged on Global Fund money and then Read Full Post
July 26, 2009
12:55
When you become a tool of initiation(guess who is back)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside looking in
D E Wasake

Puff daddy cool (aka p diddy of jersey or PD): Yeah, bad boy, this is the remix, Guess who's back?
Ba Charlie of the Crowd (C): Mase's back for the 3rd time?
PD: Umm yeah, (i thought i told you that we wouldnt stop uh uh uh uh) but i mean guess who is back for real?
C: Rasta "najja najja ng'ekiddo era sikyadayo" Rob is back? No wait, golly is back!
PD: Come on guys, why you acting like you know no body!
PD: Come on Diddy, we came to hear about birds, do you think we came to hear about a racially discriminative black doll or of the proliferation of arms in the middleast discussion by the Council on Foreign Relations(CFR)
PD: ohhh, okay i see y'all niggas are not daft m'fuck Read Full Post
July 13, 2009
17:51
Thoughts on early fatherhood
from » ‎ Esquire

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It was a strange feeling, holding my daughter Lauren. Tiny sweet thing, could fit in one hand. Sneezed for the first time while her little head was nestled in my neck, probably the scent of my cologne affected her little nose which has never known the scent of Hugo Boss(but am sure will get used to it for a long time).

Rocking her to sleep while she was crying, and searching for her mother's breast to suckle. I sang her some of the lullabys mummy used to sing for Donovan when he was born."ooohoo ooohooo, mayi atsile kamana kanakoble kanakobole, no nune no nune"
(calm down little one, mum has gone out, she will come back, and then you will suckle)
And to calm her as she cried a little, I put the headphones near her little ear, turned the volume of Read Full Post
July 07, 2009
16:49
Reputation is a bitch(lessons in life post)-volume 1
from » ‎ Esquire

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Having a reputation, whether good or bad is a two edged sword. It cuts both ways. You have got to carry it all the time, like a cross and even when you want to get rid of it, it clings and follows you like a shadow.

Know a friend of mine. Gayest guy I ever knew. Try as hard as he could, even to the extent of getting married and making it a point of kissing his girl and writing her sickening love poems. The gayness shone right outta his ass(no pun intended), especially when he was drunk

dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom

Another mate of mine...never gets laid. Read Full Post
June 28, 2009
17:50
Blogger Whispers
from » ‎ Esquire

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Elle must have known something about me. I was waiting for her to whisper to me and as if on cue, she did and so here goes..

The instructions:
1. You take the story, and give it your own unique twist.
2. Link back to the blogger who whispered to you and or include their name in your post.
3. Whisper the new challenge into the ear of a blogger of your picking.
4. Let them know by leaving a comment at theirs.
Pass it on with the instructions!

Normal 0 false false false EN-GB X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 Read Full Post
11:48
Saturday night coffee
from » ‎ Esquire

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One day they hold you in the Palms of their hands,
gentle, as if you Were the last raw egg in the world.
Then they tighten up. Just a little.
The first squeeze is nice.
A quick hug.

When she called to tell me she was sitting at home bored on a saturday night watching re-runs of friends I knew she wanted me. But then i am presumptous. Her boyfriend has gone to the Glastonbury music festival, they are having a fight. Something about him "being an inconsiderate selfish brute who only cares about his playstation football game and his mates."

I asked her to come over for coffee. I said I make it black, with no sugar, no cream.
She said it was not a good idea as she was getting ready for bed and so she cou Read Full Post
May 24, 2009
15:20
Saturday night, Sunday morning(and a few birthday wishes in between)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Anon(0054): Why you want to get with my girl so bad?

esquire(0815): Who is this Jeremy?

Anon(1100): No, Telenovela queen's man.

esquire(11.15): Telenovela who? the one who stars in "the rich also cry"

Anon(11.20): No, the one who stars in..hey wait, umm i think she stars in "Bayuda the remix"

esquire(11.21): There is a remix?

Anon(11.21): Dude...it rocks better than KS Alpha's Selector..hold it, wait, i know what you are trying to do, detract me from the matter at hand..huh,you are smart mr
Esquire, i have heard about you, but I am warning you, stay away from my woman or else!

Esquire(11.22): Quick L Read Full Post

May 18, 2009

0:47
Directions on the road to Abyssinia
from » ‎ Esquire

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She said; I don't love youI said; okAnd then right outta nowhereShe struck(real hard)As I reeled to look back at her I knew;That is what they call a red herring.

"I am low maintenance" she said. "So don't worry,All I want is a little love here and there."Don't believe that shit!Plane ticket?Dinner for two?Eye brow appointment?Hair treatment?Pedicure?That shit costs £50 a piece!Don't even get me started on the weave; oh ancient man of the cavesrun to the hills when she mentions a weave of human hair,only return at sunset, with a bouquet of flowers(£1) that will put off weave talk another week or two!

Ring the alarm,I will be damned if I see another chick on your arm,I will kill if I see another chick in your inboxThe othe Read Full Post

May 10, 2009

15:58
Why ugandans are hard hearted(book review)
from » ‎ Esquire

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In the Uk stories abound that if you are applying for immigration on the basis of humanitarian grounds, you better pray that your case is reviewed by a Mzungu rather than a fellow African. Apparently Africans are so cold and insensitive to the suffering of potential applicants(granted some of the cases are pure cases of fraud).
But i have just found out what the cause is, its the stories we read as children!
Doreen had just come from Uganda to visit Sheila and she for a present brought a kid's book for Khian Sheila's 4 year old son.
The book "how friends became enemies" is a typical african story which ultimately explains how the Leopard and Hare became enemies.
It starts by saying as all stories of this nature;
Once upon a time t Read Full Post

April 19, 2009

18:28
Abayuda tuyita nabo(cock blocking 101)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Whilst in University, my friends and I turned the title of Jeffery Archer's book " honour among thieves" into a creed for living together successfully in the face of "the hunt".
You see as men, women can cause you to self destruct and tear each other down(because they are made of sugar and spice and all things nice and we all like that), so not unlike the Scramble for Africa conference held in Berlin under Otto Von Bismark we developed a gentleman's code which in effect was that;

"If you take a liking for a girl first or meet her first, then your friend backs off and doesn't back stab you to keep her but supports you wholly even if the said girl likes him more. It then is up to you to succeed or fail. If you succeed, all is good. But if you fail Read Full Post

April 12, 2009

12:45
About a boy
from » ‎ Esquire

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Khian my sister's kid turned 5 yesterday and they grow so fast, i didnt know how old he was and so bought 2 cards one for 4 and another for 5, thank goodness one of them was for the right age. For presents for kids these days, all the rage is about Ben10 and you can't go wrong with that so if you are a parent(or looking to buy kid's presents) and havent bought your kid a Ben10 Omnitrix or the new Ben 10 Alien Force or even a Ben10 shirt then woe unto you, you are living in the dark ages of the kids world! Forget flintstones or Thomas the tank engine, that is sooo yesterday,even the birthday cake icing for Khian was of Ben10!and its a re Read Full Post

April 06, 2009

19:27
On No country for old men (and religiously radical me)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking In D E Wasake Esq.
Them big folks are crying peace, peace peace,and then secretly arm themselves;because you see,the lands of the green crescent peopleare intent on destroying Zion,who will fight for Zion?Who besides the Eagle nation?If YHWH be for them, who can stand against them? who can stand and live?
Noticed them "Satanic Verses" Iranians?getting more "biggity" by the day,as they come closer to finding the missing Uranium link.and what about them "Shangai knights" Chinese?They got no conscience;Tiananmen square riots? crushed,Tibet riots? crushedAnd Taiwan, that too they would crushall for the "great leap forward" of the China motherlandand the advancement of the love f Read Full Post

March 29, 2009

17:22
Blame it on the......
from » ‎ Esquire

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Blame it on the Goose (goose)
Got you feeling loose (loose)
Blame it on Petron ('tron)
Got you in the zone (zone)
Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol

I entirely blame last night's events on the alcohol(because even the goose is an alcohol; Grey goose Vodka)

At the house warming party, I hula hooped. It was a girl competition and I joined in.
At the housewarming party, J grabbed a pair of baloons, put them under his shirt like a woman with 36DD size boobs and he walked around saying his name is Jenny and he is from around the block. I kept squeezing them as I walked around as his P.I.M.P to introduce him to "prospective clients."
On the way to the club from the housewarming party Read Full Post

March 21, 2009

19:00
when bad meets evil(reprise)
from » ‎ Esquire

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this is what happens when Bad Meets Evil;
we hit the trees till we look like Vietnamese people
He's Evil, and I'm Bad like Steve Segal

A Lesson in Branding.

Brand recognition?
I know you; you are the pussy man. F#$%k you. F#$%k you Mr Black mambazo.

Brand seeking?
25 year old sexy as hell white girl wants big bad black d$#k in hard in my c$%^t. Available next three days only can accom and travel. Send c$%^k picture to see my tight p#$%y, then we f#$%k.
Reply to: pers-dn7sk-1086327796@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-22, 12:25PM GMT

Brand loyalty? J to D and b Read Full Post

March 14, 2009

14:32
I pulled a granny
from » ‎ Esquire

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Do you sometimes have that lucky shirt, suit or pair of shoes where every time you wear it, the "birds" just come flocking in ?
I think i just found my lucky one. Its not your conventional shirt, rather its a white "hoodie" for the uninitiated, a hoodie is a sweater like shirt and it has a hood, think the one "gangstas and hustlers" wear by covering their head before taking a handbag from an old white lady walking past a dirty alley at 10.00 pm in Compton or Harlem). Well here they are popular as it rains almost everyday and so a hoodie is an essential commodity in any one's wardrobe.
So anyway i recently got this hoodie(and can you imagine i was with little miss sunshine when i bought it, poor her, she didnt know she was helping me pick my lu Read Full Post

March 10, 2009

21:24
The story of the teddy bear and the boy
from » ‎ Esquire

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This is the story of the teddy bear and the boy.
It happened a long time ago,
before the age of men became evil and cruel
before the age of men became corrupt and vile.

There was a boy,
who went to see a little bear,
the little bear was called teddy,
and the little bear was blind and kind.
Teddy bear lived in London,
In a house made of honey and money,
along the banks of the great river Thames.

Oh my what strong hands you have,
said little teddy,
Only so i can protect you forever little teddy,
replied the boy,
Oh my what thick lips you have
cooed little teddy,
Only so i can plant more kisses on you,
said the boy,
and he planted one on t Read Full Post

March 01, 2009

18:55
Of whips and chains(kinky)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside looking in
D E Wasake

Kirstein is only 19 but she likes to ride in cars with big boys.
All night at the party she was flirting shamelessly with Pred and telling him that she liked whips and chains; kinky. He responded; "I just want to bite you". She in response licked her lips in a "come get me big boy" gesture and so pred(being short form for Predator) said;
"grrr come here and let me bite you girl." And he bit her. Hard. But then she was miss whips and chains right? Wrong. She was hurt. He left a mark on her little sweet ass. It hurt so bad she started crying. Obviously nobody told her that big girls dont cry. Her pleas that it was just a saying fell on deaf ears. Read Full Post

February 22, 2009

15:49
What a wonderful world(reprise)
from » ‎ Esquire

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I am gay.......but not that way dude. I mean, I am happy, glad, cheerful, of good spirit.
You see I have been down lately because I was messing up a good thing, a good love, a good life and then I went out on Friday and I had a swell time at a friend's living do and to use the words of my friend Glen Quagmire from Family guy:
"Giggity giggity goo, all right!"

You see I am not too unlike DJ Michael who in Tulo Tulo his song, which is a partial remix of the Late Philly Bongoley Lutaaya's song says(excerpts);
Tulo Tulo Kwata o'mwana; Nzejagala kugenda Nkyakaleko, Nkyuse kubulamu, Nzejagala kugenda Ebulaya Nkyakaleko, Obulamu Bwakuleka, Luliba Lumu, Walumbe mutemu, Tasasira.
(Sleep sleep, come Read Full Post

February 15, 2009

13:05
A good day to die
from » ‎ Esquire

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Under the wide and starry sky. Dig the grave and let me lie.
Adlai E. Stevenson 1900-1965, American Lawyer, Politician
I do not tell lies.
That's not a lie, or a terminological inexactitude*. What I mean to say is that my stories are never false, everything I experience happens and so is fact and so that means it cannot be a lie and so i am being truthful when I state ;
I do not tell lies.
The day of the jackal* came as any other ordinary day. It was a good day to die. It was a Monday.
She now lives with me and has been living with me for about a week but she doesn't like being a "house wife" but that is only a temporary situation, that is until she returns.It was a Monday. It was a good day to die, but I didn' Read Full Post

February 08, 2009

13:38
Of perhaps giving in
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside looking inD E Wasake

Deep calls from Deep.
Is it possible that we are never left completely helpless by the power from oh high? You lose one loved one and through that loss discover yourself. She was known to me not too long, in one week she was terminally ill and is now gone to meet the great physician. We say it is too soon but his timing is never ours and because everything has a purpose, in that moment, deep called from deep and asked that I return, afterall I am mortal and can be here in the morning and fade away like the mist in the afternoon or like a flower wilt away in the afternoon heat.
Deep calls from deep and asks that I gird the loins, watch the way and fortify the power mightily, wh Read Full Post

February 01, 2009

14:04
of men and other disposable things
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking In
D E Wasake

Come soon; I warn you, if you delay, you will find me ill. Fatigue and your absence are too much...

Oh, my adorable wife! I don't know what fate has in store for me, but if it keeps me apart from you any longer, it will be unbearable! My courage is not enough for that...

( Napoleon Bonaparte to Josephine Beauharnais)

Some will say that today cupid is dead and we men no longer treat women like flowers(or perhaps sugar and spice and everything nice) and we are no longer like the great men like in the bible Jacob who worked 7 years for Laban Read Full Post

January 25, 2009

16:19
Of the robotic life (excruciating re boot)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking in
D E Wasake Esq.

It’s the year 3009 A.D Date: 25 January, Time: 13:52.

I see message on my computer screen:
“Wake up Dickson, the Matrix has got you…”
It begins then:
Ever get the feeling where you not sure whether you are awake or sleeping? Whether you are human or just a zombie?
Am either experiencing Nirvana or the Matrix has got me, I feel I hear Morpheus telling me “free your mind”
I no longer use my full faculties because there is no need for them because most of the time, I can almost predict with certainty how my week shall go, I have no need for a crystal ball or an oracle because frankly the machines have programmed my life and designed my specific cod Read Full Post

January 18, 2009

15:05
To Zion(the new comes, the old goes)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking In
D E Wasake
How can I ever return to Zion?
Even while these Babylonian waters run so deep,
Even taste so sweet I dare say.
I weep for Zion,
but only for the lost children,
but only for the never lasting peace,
not for the Psalms to the Lord,
that I sang day and night,
In her chapels and her streets.
How can I then return to Zion,
When I remember not,
the paths, I walked as a child.
When I was a boy,
How I loved thee!
But now I am a man,
Worshipping at the altar
Of Apsu and Anu and Ea after him,
And I don’t see Hand which writes on the wall,
The wall of this stone cold heart,
as clear as in Nebuchadnezzar’s temple,
I don’ Read Full Post

January 11, 2009

18:07
Its so hard to Say goodbye to yesterday( a decade of Nostalgia)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking in
D E Wasake

Death
1985

Uncle Mike is dead. His furniture is moved to our house at Nile crescent in Jinja. We think its all haunted. Meanwhile mum had recently bought a cassette of Thriller by Michael Jackson and she really played it too often so that coupled with a huge Victorian like house with too few lights was wreaking havoc on our young minds.
Who was to say that Thriller and the late Uncle Mike’s ghost were not in conspiracy to terrorise us at night. How could we go near the dead man’s furniture lest that maniacal laugh of thriller emanates from the sofa with the slow rap to go with it;
darkness falls acro Read Full Post

January 08, 2009

18:38
Who's afraid of these summers?
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking in
D E Wasake

The hammer reinvented; bigger, better

Boys don't cry? Are you kidding me? I did! Not when faced with an 18th century dentist who used a hammer on my teeth...yes a hammer people! Who still uses those? Half of my mouth was numb and i felt like 2face from the Dark knight(in retrospect perhaps that wasn't too bad a representation)
The most miserable thing about going to the dentist was that i had to do it whilst on holiday in Uganda and it was my last week!
The week in which i had planned to inflict maximum dental damage on all the past leaders from Nakulabye to Nakibizzi via Zanzi
The week in which all the chicken would repeatedly ask themselves why they decided to
cross the road; into the Read Full Post

December 27, 2008

8:26
Oluwombo Lwa'Mbale
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking In
D E Wasake

If you want to hook up with a village babe from Busano/Bugema in Mbale where my mum hails from and where I am spending this holiday season then forget your corporate chat up lines, those things of saying you are head of corporate banking in Standard Chartered or trying to impress by speaking in accented English or even accented luganda like some "summer" babe i know;

"banange Dickson lwaki tolya ku sausage ngaffe mu boston, oteke ko ku ka nice weight kubanga right now you are not looking so nice, wenna okozze banange."

Here if you want to receive Mbale's famed "12 bum salute" all you need to do is say two things(in local Lugisu dialect of cours Read Full Post

December 07, 2008

20:20
The life and dream of an ex colored lion.
from » ‎ Esquire

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I had a dream, but then I always dream, after all I am a dreamer.

It was a party. Some of the animal kingdom was invited. The party was given in honour of the birth of a new cub to Mr and Mrs Cheetah.
The pigsThe pigs as usual,those greedy bastards were there first, drinking every thing in sight, sniffing every concievable thing so as to have it go up their snouts; snuff, white powder, angel dust and so generally causing a mess as pigs are conditioned to cause; they and their curly pink tails and making their "oink oink" noises that can mean anything from sadness, displeasure, happiness or plain craftiness.
The hareI travelled with the 3 blind hare. "Oh my what big hands you have Mr lion" Ca hare cooed Read Full Post

November 30, 2008

14:29
Chapter 5: Excruciating Conundrum(growing up) a.k.a Akalibobo
from » ‎ Esquire

Tags: [edit]

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

This is the story of a very strange Bulgarian boy called Mirlo. He is 12. He goes to Grainville primary school in st Helier, Jersey. He lives with Inga his mum who is a divorcee. I am with Inga now, sort of.
Mirlo is not little; in fact he is morbidly obese and if he was older he would fit the description of "fat fucker" but being young I will simply say he is a fatty fatty boom boom(that's not too bad, his school mates am sure call him worse).

Being fat, he does all the things fat kids like him do, for e Read Full Post

November 23, 2008

20:36
Chapter 4: Excruciating Condundrum(A&E) a.k.a Akalibobo
from » ‎ Esquire

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Babe is crying and I am not sure whether to console her or just let her be, after all I am the dog; so I told her all I know as a stone cold gentleman;
"With her it was just fucking but with you we make love"
She shot back;
"And with fucking you use your dick while with love you use your hand right?"
I responded; "come on baby.."
"Don't baby me you sonofabitch" she shouted.
Her anger was now building, I could see her lower lip quivering and just like that, she screamed;
"And why can't you keep your snake in your pants for just one weekend" and as she said that she kicked..
She kicked where it hurts most.
Its the kind of pain which is best described by the saying "the calm before the storm"
After the initial shock, I Read Full Post

November 17, 2008

12:17
Chapter 3: Excruciating Condundrum(cat claws) a.k.a Akalibobo
from » ‎ Esquire

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Shortie off for weekend to see mum; she can't wait to go. I too can't wait for HER to go!

JD in stock, check

Music selecta on, check

Girl on the low low, check

Rubber in stock, check

Roll and roll babe;
here we go now,
Boom boom boom,
Until noon noon noon.

Shorty came back, mum was not well;
"Dickson can u imagine mum best mate forged her signature for a loan guarantee! Poor mum is devastated, her and jo been friends since college"
Shortie is sad for mum, "sorry babe" I tell her and I kiss her forehead,
she is still sad and is soon in my arms;
She likes to be cuddled;
My Little miss sunshine;
she runs her nibble fingers up and down my bareback and Read Full Post

November 09, 2008

16:51
Chapter 2: Excruciating conundrum(the seeker) a.k.a Akalibobo
from » ‎ Esquire

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It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about.

Am writing this in my closet. I have a torch to illuminate the keyboard as the light from the screen is especially low so that she doesnt see it and come into the closet. I am not trapped in the closet but rather I am cleaning out my closet.
Its 4 am.
I am cleaning out my closet of her stuff. Jeez she had invaded my house. When did all these shoes turn up here? and the scarfs? Why does this woman need so many scarfs? Is there something in her neck I never saw and that she was always hiding, god forbid it was an adam's apple like those of Thailand's famous lady boys!
But now that I think about it, perhaps I will keep the cashmere sweater; an ungiven gift to remind myself of her and her tra Read Full Post

November 03, 2008

1:54
of lovers and soldiers
from » ‎ Esquire

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.....Because you are the silver lining of the grey over cast skies.

because even revolutionaries lay down their guns..and choose to love. Read Full Post

October 26, 2008

16:20
Chapter 1: Excruciating conundrum (Licence to kill) a.k.a Akalibobo
from » ‎ Esquire

Tags: [edit]

I'm holding on your rope,
got me ten feet off the ground
and I'm hearing what you say
but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say..
That it's too late to apologize, it's too late...

Outside Looking In
D E Wasake

Last night, I was in my element(danger! its been so long)
Wallet full of crisp pound notes(gun running deal gone good)
Ermenegildo Zegna suit well cut(courtesy of insurance money from lost luggage)
And I was with my boy Boni(on a successful night, never "hunt" solo, you need a "wingman" to back you up by distracting the bitch/overze Read Full Post

October 19, 2008

22:58
Just like my mother
from » ‎ Esquire

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Maybe I am just like my father, too bold.
Maybe I am just like my mother, she's never satisfied.....

I have in many ways become like my parents. Granted I am my parents son but whilst young dont we often strive for the fast lane, trying to be as different as we can from our parents and yet we grow older and we become just like them!
I went through my music playlist and for every 1 new song, my music taste is frozen in the years 1994 to 1999. The years of my youth.
And so over and and over I listen to Victory by Busta Rhymes and then to Nonchalant 5 Oclock and then to Luniz 5 on it and then to Ginuwine Holler...just like mummy, singing over and over and over again;
Olupapula siimpura "wambuza oban'ga nkwagala, amazima nkwagala yeggwe Read Full Post

October 12, 2008

13:16
Bambi the Germans try hard.
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking In
D E Wasake

The Germans, that efficient machinery of a country seem to have a sense of humour contrary to popular belief. Yes they do love the dominatrix form of pleasure(Dont ask how i know) but by and large they can be funny(somehow). Perhaps in an attempt at humour on the sides of the Lufthansa plane there was a huge cartoon of a rodent and below it, it was boldly labelled: "Die maus!"
And the frankfurters love their sausage so much that in a Chinese restaurant not to be parted from their favourite and trademark delicacy, the restaurant menu included:
"sweet n sour sausage"

But they cross the line when it comes to mockery of religious things.
So there I was having some wine and sampling bier(sic) following the rece Read Full Post

October 05, 2008

21:41
Of calling on a Ssenga(a retrospective)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside looking in
D E Wasake Esq.

Ssenga(s): Eradde Ssebo,
Dickson(d): Eradde maama
s: wati cani i do for you suh?
d: ssenga mbadde mbuza ob'osobola kunyamba n'ekizibu?
s: kizibu ki mutabani wange?
d: Sikyategera bakazzi!
I thought i understood them but eh....simanyi...youknowwhatamsayin...
s: yah man! i know what's up, so jazz with ssenga and tell her what's on ya mind? you know she is down with the hood and knows how this sh#@t goes down...

d:eh naye ssenga, nku "ha ha rinze"...all the time you know how to speak like ba charlie aba ghetto bwotyo!
s: Man, you know how sh$%t be tite in Kampala, we gotta survive and a woman gotta do what she gotta do..but tell me what the dealio is, anti nawe Read Full Post

September 28, 2008

11:22
Of becomin' a BFF(wtf)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside looking in
D E Wasake

Sally(real name) and I are mates. She always calls me on Friday and we always have a laugh when out. Yeah she is attractive but I am not really drawn to her, She is just a free spirit, easy going and great company. I just like hangin' with her.
(Wrong, liar liar, pants on fire, you want to shag her brains out but hide behind that mask of being Mr. debonair, suave, gentleman. Lose it dude, it ain't working, these girls want a bad boy. And why you acting like you d'ont know the "when Harry met Sally" theory).
(Shut up you c**nt! Oops I didn't know I had that in me(holding mouth in shame))
Oh well anyway as is the routine Sally called me this Friday, I was working late because I had a load of work to finish and its Read Full Post

September 24, 2008

12:25
The mansa of mali(a retrospective)-3 cities, one man
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking In
D E Wasake

St malo

This idyllic french coastal town welcomed me with a giant sign saying "attention" and below the rocky shore were men fishing.It was a warm summer day and so men and boys(and a few women too) were cruisin' past us in their speed boats, the kids waved to us, being the tourists, we waved back in equal glee but believe it or not I entered France without showin a passport and for all I know I could have shown the wrong visa to the agent, he didn't even know what a schengen visa looked like and so just like that, I walked into France, like conquering hero and onto the line of "tete de station" the taxi rank and thus began practicing my limited french...Bonjour, parlez vou anglais?
All the while as I did this is whistled to louis armstrong's "what a wonderful world" and ocassi Read Full Post

August 25, 2008

23:24
carry on doctor(returning home)
from » ‎ Esquire

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The summer of Afro man.
They called me Afro man and said I had the most original look they had ever seen for that party. They said I should stay with them a while, perhaps an hour or two. Smile a smile or two.Dance a gig or two. Werent we black people supposedly the best at it. "doctor doctor" she teased(or was it flirted) in her Russian accent, "I have a mild ache, do you know the cure?" I smiled. Sheila later said it was a foxy smile.
But then at the end of it all, they all went home; to their lovers and friends, to their Vodka and Martini, to their buddhas and Hare Krishna.
Only I left here and close to no one; except when I am online living or online dreaming. Where are you now? I reach across to the other side of the be Read Full Post

July 16, 2008

17:31
Of coming back but only to say....
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside looking inD E Wasake
I have been away so i could prepare myself to focus the bulk of my writing on my poetry and all the other activities that go with it.
1) I have published a collection of some of my poems on lulu.com. See them and support me by purchasing a book for $10 or downloading the e-book for $3. Get a sneak preview of the book here: [www.lulu.com]
2) I have set up a facebook group: Dickson Wasake: the poet(the man, the inbetween). Join in, login and join. I will be most delighted to see you there.
3) I have streamlined my poetry blog: [www.esquire-sunshinepoems.blogspot.com] to Read Full Post

July 03, 2008

4:20
Outside looking in
from » ‎ Esquire

Tags: [edit]

Its 2.30 am and its over 230 combined posts later....(74: Sunny side to some things, 123:poems to sit on and 5-to my unborn children, in addition i also had a defunct blog:letters to shaza with approx 30).I have been outside looking in all this time. I think I am going to take a career break(With all these blogs isnt blogging a career?).
Its time for me to go inside and start looking out, perhaps i will see a fresh view.
I am taking a blogging break and i will not post to this sunny side or to my unborn children except for my poems so....
you won't see me tonight,you won't see me tomorrow,I'll be gone by daylight...
But i always come back, dont i? you never ever truly leave your first or true love do you?
P.S
Image at the top is Read Full Post

June 21, 2008

16:48
Enter the labyrinth
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking in
D E Wasake

I am hitting rock bottom and sinking real fast during my journey to the centre of the earth.
The centre of the earth it turns out is cold and not hot like i thought.
It full of crevices and icicles where i thought hot spas and geysers would abound.

Jersey is the centre of the earth for me at present and as i foray further into this society a number of peculiarties stand out. These are the good, the bad and umm the ugly? of my Jersey life

The good: The 154 year lease incident.

I like my current job. Good boss, great career progression prospects and good money(now to rein in my spiralling living costs). Was browsing through my client records(inv Read Full Post

June 16, 2008

23:35
Of rehab
from » ‎ Esquire

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My unborn kids are stifling me so I am back at least for this moment. Not that i don't want them anymore, oh no, i do love them to bits and would give up myself for them. It's just that sometimes being around kids too much can wear you out. Its been only 2 weeks of unknown as yet daddy hood and I am starting to long for some adult company.
Oh well at least that's how i felt over the weekend.
So for company, i went to a club called platinum. Its your typical 14-22 year old club but well here the age lines are a bit blurry(i think quite blurry in fact) because its not too uncommon to find 50 year old hippie ooking chicks jumping up and down wit Read Full Post

June 01, 2008

16:11
To my unborn Children
from » ‎ Esquire

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Yesterday, It was Vodka and Coke on a friday night at the Club Drift or Platinum and then at my birthday everything changed. Something magical happened(or was it).........
I think that very soon am going to have a son or daughter or both ( I don't know yet). I didn't know it changes all so fast, was it supposed to be this way?This may be a goodbye to the sunny side to some things because i think I am now going(in preparation) to take a crash course in experimental parenting-and blogging it.See my new life here:

[myunbornchildren.blogspot.com]

P.SPerhaps i shall return, perhaps i shall not, but all i can say in the famous words of big daddy Kane:
Read Full Post

May 25, 2008

19:03
Black man syndrome(pimpin' ain't easy)
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking InD E Wasake Esq.

I may or may not have said it before on these webbed pages but it is really hard being/becoming/staying a successful black man in a predominantly white community like mine ie one who the white folks would be comfortable to invite for a bowl of soup and you are one who wont do the following(in descending order from less to more serious misdemeanour:
1. push old white ladies into open man holes,
2. steal milk bottles or the early morning newspaper left on doorstep by mail/milk man
3.wear big jackets everytime you go out and look like you have a Baretta, a swiss army knife some crack cocaine(or all three) under there
4. Not laugh heartily wh Read Full Post

May 16, 2008

18:28
The Naked Eye
from » ‎ Esquire

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Outside Looking In
D E Wasake
Saturday
11. 00 PM:
Malo
Feeling Ire, Cigar in mouth.2 dudes come up to me and want to take pictureswith me.how different are these guys who come to me n want from the kids in my mum’s village busano who surround the motor car ( I motoha in my modus operendi language) and as it leaves chase behind it saying “bye bye uncle! “
Sunday
5.00 PM:
Nugu
Those girls who wrote all those Mills & Read Full Post
May 11, 2008 22:40 Cyber sex(welcome to rehab) from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] Warning: Explosive (A must read guide, dont skip any line, read slowly) ******* Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like? Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather miniskirt and high heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I workout everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like? Wellhung: I'm 6'3 and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of funny. Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me? Wellhung: OK Sweetheart: Read Full Post 22:11 All in a week’s work (livin, lovin, partyin, weeping) from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] Outside Looking in D E Wasake Esq. Thurday 9th May 9.45 PM: Chambers There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats. ~Elton John “Hey am heading home now so if you would like to come with me, that would be fine.” I would perhaps have been flattered if say the line above was from a Gisele look alike (her of the Victoria Secrets’ wonderbra fame, once dating Leonardo Dicaprio and now with Tom Brady the New England Patriots Quarterback) would have been a bonus…but well lets just say the person saying it was not exactly a gis Read Full Post May 05, 2008 11:22 A letter( a labour of love) from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] From: Obi To: Esquire of the mountainSubject: Cliche I am so tired at this moment. It is 2:14 a.m. here in Nassau. What time is it where you are? Instead of sleeping on Sunday, yesterday,until in the early afternoon, I was up from 10 a.m. which explains whyI am so tired at this early hour.Instead of up until 6 a.m., I shall have to turn in soon. I have been laboring over 100 poems from my Cuban notebook, poems written mostly in Cuba, last year, May. I'm expecting to return to Cuba again this month for that same festival. I have not been this occupied since I attended Fisk University, in 1985, with a need to graduate in a single year. This poet and his work are more and more, gaining in prominence. I note with de Read Full Post May 04, 2008 12:13 London: Ugandan cultural re-awakenings on an ordinary evening from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] Outside Looking InD E Wasake We(Sheila, Doreen, Ronnie, 3 year old Khian and I) drove down to Hackney in North London to look for cousin Wanns.Sheila forgot he has a new underground identity at the cab office where h works and so when she asked his co-workers for him, none of them knew who Wanns was, and then she remembered... "ohhh Steve!" Where is he?..." "Ahhh Steve, he is in the car sleeping... but miss why did you call him Wanns, that's Steve's real name innit?". The "explanations" began. "Oh sorry, Nah he is not Steve but you know Wanns is Steve's younger brother and we really confuse the two of them..." As we left Hackney, we were at the lights waiting for the green when suddenly some Read Full Post April 28, 2008 0:41 The Saddest day (Part 2: in constant sorrow) from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] Outside Looking InD E Wasake Lately, I often think sad thoughts and my writing is often about death, Its such a depressing topic but then I sometimes feel like a man in constant sorrow. Or a man on the eve of his execution. I often thought that if you die by suicide then you are definitely damned to the deepest pit of hell. I also often thought that all the men of ages gone past or present who had been unfortunate not to hear the gospel of Christ were doomed to the underworld that the ancient Greeks called Hades, the Baganda called Magombe and the Bagisu…hmm I Read Full Post April 22, 2008 1:41 The saddest day (a reprise) from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] Dedication For Amani who came, blossomed and left like a cold spring morning’s rain. Too little, too soon. So long. I Am going to rehab and I don’t know for how long, I feel really sick and perhaps am dying too. They say I will be fine in a day or two, but then we all know that they are paid to say that. Am off to my heart’s rehab, All I can say is: so long, But please do take care of amani for me, She is just as fragile you see. (Rehab, 22 April 2008) II The sadness of newness is this: we don’t care anymore, We don’t care any less, And that is new, And that is sad. (The sadness of newness, April 16 2008) Read Full Post April 20, 2008 20:30 You say hello, i say bonjour from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] Outside Looking In D E Wasake As I close the door to my apartment complex at 23 spring bank, vallee des vaux, I step onto the street, the cold wind from the farm heath opposite rushes at my face. As if on cue the rain also starts falling, a slight drizzle nonetheless. I immediately button the suit jacket underneath, fasten my overcoat, wear my gloves and start walking. Am off to work. Its 6.22 am. I start walking along Vallee des Vaux road. Past the farm and the early morning farm man fixing his tractor. Past safeway supermarket and its empty parking lot except for a few illegally parked cars and the immaculately stacked shopping carts. The rain continues falling. The wind in my face. The mist from the heath previousl Read Full Post April 01, 2008 20:00 Of Afropolitanism(the good, the bad, the ugly) from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] Outside looking in D E Wasake Went to British High Commission to hand in Visa application. Crowded room, dejected looks, flimsy hopes. Somali lady walked in. Middle aged. Had no where to sit, offered her mine. She was puzzled, perhaps thought i wanted something in return. I smiled. Blame it on the London Bus and Underground signs everywhere beckoning us to give up seats to elderly and disabled. Ate some TV chicken from Kabalagala as i felt nostalgic about being home and having missed all that for one year plus. Two hours later my stomach didnt feel so nostalgic after all. Where are the food inspectors to clamp down on the guy who gave me the killer rollex as a bonus with my chicken? I now stick to the fast food. I dare n Read Full Post March 26, 2008 17:50 Of where every click is precious from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] Outside looking in D E Wasake I am amazed at the level of patience required to use the internet in Uganda. In fact, i am amazed at the limited computers smashed by frustrated users or the amount of swear words flying across the cubicles of internet cafes in Uganda. I have exhausted all the English swear words and i am now searching across this land for lugisu and perhaps luganda words to describe this frustration of slow internet... i feel like saying that the internet is like ema ema.. emanga and its so infuriating it needs embo...embo..ko! Since learning of the slow internet, i have come to highly value every single click i make. I do not randomly click any internet page or link because it may take another 30 minutes off Read Full Post March 10, 2008 19:02 Been around the world in aya ya ya(but now back off home) from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] I D seems to have spent so much time in Boston and around white people he is starting to hallucinate. He suddenly believes that white girls got booty(except for the Russians we agreed). Nigga please! I immediately set about to reminding him of his black history. As we strolled to a walmart, we decided to carry out a survey of white vs black booty. After much consideration("nah that one is just wide not big!" or "damn! is there not botox in that?") The survey results are finally in: Of all the white and black girls surveyed(excluding all in extremely tight pants as these skew the ass population) we(or i with much begrudging from him) concluded that: 1 in 10 white girls has booty compared to 1 in 4 black girls. D disagreed as Read Full Post March 02, 2008 22:48 Of hard times(no one knows them like me) from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] Week has been seemingly spiralling out of control. Moved out of my apartment to make way for new tenant and moved to an efficiency apartment next door. Previous tenant's luggage and all still there and so i am living a suitcase life. For those uninitiated with the suitcase life its where the toothbrush is right next to the shoe brush under the hangers and the tooth paste tube gets onto the shirt you were planning to wear. You cannot find the damn socks and the clothes are all creased. Well not to be undone, i have no internet, have no TV.(As i write this i am at an internet cafe, aka co-worker's house) and the laptop decided to go dead on me this morning,it seems to have a certain rare virus or power probl Read Full Post February 24, 2008 20:29 Blog writer's strike enters 3rd straight week from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] by Danger powers with additional reporting by Esquire in Nassau and The mountain in Bugisu Newest reports reaching us can now confirm that the blog writer D E Wasake but more commonly known as esquire of the mountain has gone on strike citing inhumane working conditions like having to blog under a legal pseudonym whose origin is suspect and using a blogger template with really freakin annoying and limiting abilities like the inability to morph iteself on whim to say something really cool like "a jackass laughing at D.J, a well known cruel boss." The strike is starting to take its toll on blog readers like pius lizard of the Mudigidde fame who had this to say when interviewed: "i just hate it when all my efforts at reading quality blog writing are thwarted by this damn writers' block that esquire the blog writer is facing Read Full Post February 18, 2008 9:50 The other side of the coin(flip it) from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] Valentines and the player haters Valentines came and went unnoticed for me, am too far away from mon amour cherie and from all the dynamite she is , so instead for consolation i went to play music for friends at a valentine's function dubbed "the haters ball". The theme for the nite was "if you got a mate, dump them for the day and attend the haters ball"The party rocked, it went on up to 4.00 am (ok i left at 12. 00 am but my substitute D.j kept them rocking) I was so sleepy and generally mashed up the next day at work...but then what the heck...i am leaving anyway, he he! Bob marley still iron like a lion(but not in Zion)So i am almost leaving this place and so its like "term eggenda n'ebyayo". I went to a new Read Full Post February 10, 2008 22:21 The Chronicles of Esquire; the Lord, the weed and the closet from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] Prologue In the year that King Uzziah died, I also saw the Lord.... Isaiah 6:1 They say that when someone is dying, their whole life flashes before them. For some it goes by in fast forward if it’s a swift death perhaps by an assassin’s bullet. For others it’s in slow motion if it’s a long drawn out affair like a drug overdose. They also say that when a woman is giving birth, the pain of labour feels like death but when the child is born, then the joy of the newborn erases memories of the pain and thus some women like my mother go on to have 8 kids. A seasoned weed head would say that the first time of taking marijuana is like a woman giving birth for the first time. The labour pains of choking when taking a gun shot or when trying to inhale can leave you with an initial terrible feeling but the after ef Read Full Post February 03, 2008 15:46 Of the cross of changes from » ‎ Esquire Tags: [edit] All my bags are packed Im ready to goIm standin here outside your doorI hate to wake you up to say goodbyeBut the dawn is breakinIts early mornThe taxi's waitinHes blowin his hornAlready Im so lonesomeI could die I am a man of constant sorrow; Living a cavelier lifestyle (most times) and yet the constant dreams from the Godhead remind me of a certain calling and not unlike Jonah I am seemingly running away from He who is ever present. I am always coming and going to everywhere and yet nowhere. With constant joy and sadness in love, money and the in betweens. I am a man in constant change and unchange and so this is the cross I carry with me eve Read Full Post