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DeTamble

March 17, 2010
0:25
Haskell, K'naan and Friday Thirteen
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I basically hate hip-hop, rap and anything remotely like it, so the fact that I'm about to say this is surprising me...

K'naan absolutely rules!

In other news our land-lady, 'The Gorgon', killed our Haskell with cyanide tilapia. I can't wait to move out of this place and take all the cats with us, so they'll be safe from the nasty cow. It was pretty horrible, we ended up having to snap his neck with a large, empty Ribena bottle. On the bright side, if I ever find myself in a situation in which a mercy blow is needed at least I know how to do it now. We threw his body in the lake and said a few words, that would have been about 4:12 am on Thursday 11th. I like to think of him travelling the skies with The 10th Doctor, the Tardis always needed a cat.

On Friday we found a teeny kitten and brought it home, his name is Friday Thirteen, personally I think he looks like a wolf-vampire.
Rescued an abandoned puppy, called him Jinx.
Completed a semester of university via correspondence.
Adopted a Siamese cat who came begging, called her Catkin. Unfortunately she was poisoned by the land-lady, ie. The Gorgon.
Re-Evaluated evolution standing.
Quit university.
Adopted another cat, whom Catkin had brought over for a visit, called her Lemon.
Chose schools for future children.
Re-Evaluated religious standing.
Rescued three orphaned kittens, called them Haskell, George Small-Talk and Ruby.
Re-Evaluated vaccine standing.
Lemon brought her four kittens to stay, called them Grumpy, Scaredy Cat, Stocking-Tops and Goldfish.
Re-Evaluated political standing.
Gave George Small-Ta Read Full Post
June 05, 2009
18:31
Fuck Off Facebook!
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Hello Everyone,

Long time, no see.

Not much news. I'm still in good ol' Ugg Land.

I've decided to leave Facebook. If you want to talk to me from outside it feel free to ask for my email in the comments. I wish I'd never signed up in the first place, it always felt wrong.

For some strange reason this is not letting me URL things but here is a nice link anyway: [www.guardian.co.uk]

In fact, two nice links: [idler.co.uk]
P.S.
I just wanted to mention this in response to Antipoptart whose blog is not letting me comment....silly thing.
"Well, if Ugandan children weren't taught to speak English in school by teachers with obvious speech defects from birth it wouldn't be a problem"

--

DeTamble Read Full Post
December 19, 2008
23:17
Abra Cadabra Alakazam! DeT is BAAAAAACK! Snacktastic!
from » ‎ DeTamble

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Good news! I'm back.

Bad news...I've forgotten how to blog.

So how are we all? Getting laid? Enjoying new perfumes?
Watching My Family? Actually, on that note who currently has my My Family DVDs??

Carlo?
Antipop?

Uganda is lovely but I want to go shopping at David Jones!!
I want a Vogue subscription.
And sushi!

AND! Good pavement so I don't ruin my heels. Where's the pavement?
I wore my heels once and they got all dirty. *sniffles*
Shoes aren't meant to get dirty! Dear God! Never again!
They shall be resigned to my closet until M7 either paves the roads or hell freezes over.

Now, story time, I'm supposed to write something interesting if I remember right...which I probably don't.
I'm pretty sure blog posts aren't just supposed to be whinging about pavement.

Last month the Landlady's fifteen year old relative of some sort came-a-knocking.
It went something like thi Read Full Post
October 16, 2008
20:55
MIA
from » ‎ DeTamble

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*cough* so...maybe one of you could let us know personally next time? When is the next BHH? The 30th? And yes, sorry, but honestly people! antipop you whore, how could you have managed to not even mention it!! Read Full Post
October 11, 2008
12:29
Heard of Hygiene?
from » ‎ DeTamble

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Guess where I am...can you guess? Let me give you a hint, there are some fucking ugly birds flying overhead...

Nakulabye.

I'm not going to get sick of this place, even though there is some small spot of dirt on my skirt!! How dare this country dirty my clothes!!! Where's my bomb got to?!?!?! Other than that horrifically huge shortcoming this place is COOOOOL. I'm so never leaving...okay so I am at some point going to have to go home, you know what relatives can be like.

Overall impressions of Uganda: Freaking Motherfucking Awesome!! I'm becoming an illegal immigrant.

Whoever said this country is hot is fucking lying whore.

I'm racist. Every time I see another White person I get quite irritated, mainly because they're either all over 40 or fat, wobbly, sweat covered and bright red with dirty hair!!! You there, White person, HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!!! What kind of representation is that?? I'm ashamed to be associated with you people! Wh Read Full Post
October 05, 2008
11:57
ZOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
from » ‎ DeTamble

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Where prehistoric birds adorn lamp posts, where Antipop is President and where Dreadlocked Communists and Bald Children roam, free range, across the country side...

To the magical land of Uganda I come.

Someone owes me a drink. Read Full Post
October 03, 2008
1:17
Fun Times!
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I have Glandular Fever.

It sucks.

For people asking, I leave on Sunday midnight (Monday) and arrive on Tuesday afternoon.

*EDIT*

Poor Dark Night, I forced him all the way to Wikipedia to discover what Glandular Fever is...sucker :-)

Glandular Fever is Infectious mononucleosis, also known as Pfeiffer's disease, mono, in that dumb country (USA), all the intelligent people call it Glandular Fever.

It has various symptoms, of those these are the pesky ones I have:

Fever—this varies, but is seen in nearly all cases.
Enlarged and tender lymph nodes—particularly the posterior cer Read Full Post
September 30, 2008
4:45
Exportation
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I've started a company. It's called DeTamble Exports. My first job is to export myself.

I leave on Sunday.

Apart from that I've been busy these past few weeks, hence the lack of posts.

My friend Amber came to visit. She, I and Michael went over to Bee's inner-city apartment (very sexy!) and ate chocolate hash cake and watched Alien, spent the whole time making crude jokes about it too and wishing there was more nudity! When the movie was over Amber said she wanted to watch porn and so we went to the porn shop near the Teddy Bear shop on the next street. We spent an hour there. We bought a gay German porno called...erm...actually I don't remember what it was called. We also got this real old Read Full Post
September 11, 2008
8:51
The Real Land of The Free, Do You Hear Me
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v:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} o:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} w:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} .shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);} Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 st1:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-languag Read Full Post
September 04, 2008
9:57
To Bathe and Beyond!
from » ‎ DeTamble

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A new family moved in downstairs. A Mum and two kids, the kids don't go to school cause they are too cool! Just like I was. I didn't go to school properly, ie. more than term here and there, until I was 13. But this really has nothing to do with anything except that I found some photos and I'm going to put them up here.

Taadaaa!!

This was my old room, no proper walls so I plasticed them up and stuck some entertainment on them...yes, that is my school hat.

I used to sneak Read Full Post
9:57
To Bathe and Beyond!
from » ‎ DeTamble

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A new family moved in downstairs. A Mum and two kids, the kids don't go to school cause they are too cool! Just like I was. I didn't go to school properly, ie. more than term here and there, until I was 13. But this really has nothing to do with anything except that I found some photos and I'm going to put them up here.

Taadaaa!!

This was my old room, no proper walls so I plasticed them up and stuck some entertainment on them...yes, that is my school hat.

I used to sneak Read Full Post
September 02, 2008
13:36
Happy Centenary!!
from » ‎ DeTamble

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This is my 100th post.

I wanted my 100th post to be a happy one, or something special, to celebrate 100 times of extreme time wasting on Blogger.

But instead my hundredth post will be this:

You and I, GUG, are no longer friends. I will never speak to you again. I can't block you from my Blog but I will not be going to yours ever again. If you show face here or in my inbox you will be ignored. Princess and I have put up with you mistreating us for too long and for me this is officially the end. Don't think this is done out of anger though, sure it contains a small amount of spite and vengeance but there is no anger here. Not even annoyance, simply cold calculation and my conclusion is that you are not the sort of person I want to know.

Sorry Princess, for dragging you into this, but you're not online to consult with right now and frankly I've had enough. I'm cutting him off and I am sorry that you'll most likely get caught in the middle.
Read Full Post
September 01, 2008
10:35
Everyday White Trash
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I showed up at work today and was presented with a...a...OH GOD IT WAS AWFUL!!!

They gave me a white cap to wear that said 'Everyday Money' on it. See, Woolies, yes, I am ashamed, I work at Woolies. That platypus killing, bush destroying, evil corporate, selfish, bastardised, community fucking, slavery riding, profit scamming, hell hole dictatorship they call a business. And this business, like Tomas de Torquemada in green, has made their very own credit card. Hence the cap, not only do we have to use our head as advertising space but we're also supposed to ask every single customer if they would like one of these debt inducing Everyday Money credit cards. Of course I did not ask a single person. I do have morals you know!!

But this cap. It's huge. And I was seething about having to wear it. I don't do caps. Do I look like a stupid cap wearing gangsta to you? No, I didn't think so! In fact I had to stop hanging out with those Zimbabweans because their constant cap Read Full Post
August 31, 2008
14:29
KT - Hay gurl Do u kno ...
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KT - Hay gurl Do u kno what, i was thinking it wuld b such a shame if didn spend atleast 1 night 2getha hay

11:43:59am 29th/08/2008

Why did I just find this in my drafts and who is KT?? Read Full Post
August 30, 2008
12:32
Mateos From My Floor
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Literally five minutes ago Uganda was on the tv. There I was sitting on the floor in front of the couch and this ad came on for a program called Family Footsteps (7:30pm Thursday ABC).

So the ad starts with this crowded road full of Africans and I went "Hey Mum, look, UGANDA!!"
And she glares at me for disturbing the peace and asks how I know. I shrug. Haven't got a clue how I knew. I just did. And I was bloody right to! As the ad progresses and they stop showing Ugandan infested roads the voice over comes on and "Blah blah, Uganda, blah." And I smile, radiating smugness for knowing it was Uganda after a split second.

It continues to show this half Ugandan man who left for Australia when he was three years old and blah blah blah and you'll never guess what happened next :P

I bounced right off the floor, pointing out the tv and practically screeched to my Mother, "look, LOOK! It's Mateos!!!" LOOOK MUM!!!! LOOK!!"

Anyway, apart from the fa Read Full Post
August 28, 2008
15:10
Drugged to Delirium
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*crawls pitifully back to Blogger*

Sorry. Been away. Been dying. Had a psycho bout of influenza. I won't tell you about it but suffice to say it was so bad I called Him up and cried into the phone and asked if he could swing by and kill me. End my miserable suffering. Most of the time I was so weak I couldn't even get out of bed.

Moving on now :D

A couple of months ago I managed to slam my head so hard into a door, no, don't ask what I was doing, I broke my nose. Thankfully it's barely noticeable. Second time I've broken it actually. First time my best-friend's sister slammed a baseball bat in the my face. Nose is still in centre. Looks normal. Feels sore. Aches. Still got a red tinge to the skin, like slight sunburn. Doctor says it will fade within a couple more months and so should my headaches, and Doctor is right because both have already subsided.

I'm back now. Tell you fun stuff on my next post.

Sleep well.

And rem Read Full Post
August 05, 2008
20:02
I Always Wanted To Be A Child Soldier
from » ‎ DeTamble

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I used to have a rule about not dating anyone with brown eyes. Casual sex with a brown eyed person was fine but emotional attachment was not. With emotional attachment comes that remote and horrific possibility of a child and I decided long ago that if I had to have one of those irritating, sticky, wanting, needy, grasping, money thieving disgustoids in human form that it would be one with blue eyes.

Yes, I do understand the colloquial meaning of shallow.

I have a thing for blue eyes, I also have a thing for dark, curly red hair, but that's beside the point. If you took a look at my line of previous boyfriends the term, Aryan Race, might spring to mind. As a child I even had a thing for the Hitler Youth. Well, the cute ones from WWII movies, not the actual ones, the real Hitler Youth's hair was always too short, I thought they frowned too much and the pictures of them were always black and white and grainy. Not acceptable for a pin up.

So there I was, Read Full Post
July 30, 2008
9:58
To Comrade, Wishing You Were Here.
from » ‎ DeTamble

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I was once told by a boy, as I lay under him, naked from the waist up, beneath a fig tree, that I was one of the most open girls he had ever met.

I was once told by a boy who loved me more than any other that I am the original, raw description of a free spirit.

I don't know how right they are but I'm taking it as a compliment.

I don't know anything about being open or a free spirit.

Sounds complicated.

Sounds challenging.

I try to avoid hurting myself, though that does not detract from openness or being free.

I try to avoid hurting others, that does detract from openness and being free.

All I know is that I do things that make me happy, that make me laugh, that make me smile, that involve real emotions and don't leave me feeling empty and shallow or used.

All I know is that I live my life by one rule. Always Get What You Want*. It has served me well these past two Read Full Post
July 24, 2008
9:17
God Fuck All Communists!
from » ‎ DeTamble

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As you may have noticed I have been posting utter crap of late. I mean really, have you noticed the shit I've put up here? Even I'm disturbed by just how bad the posts have been. I'm afraid I haven't got it in me to write properly these days.

I keep composing long political posts but I never want to post them because something is missing. So instead I feel guilty about not posting in over a week, cram some stuff together, hope it's legible and hit the publish button.

Comrade! Why did you have to go! Don't you understand how lonely I am without you? I have no one to scream, rage, rant and rampage with. I don't want to post something interesting without you here to rip it apart sentence by sentence and tell me how wrong I am! The other Bloggers are cool but they don't quite have that psychotic, slightly unfounded hatred streak and I think if I attempted to place 500+ word comments on their Blogs over and over they might take out a restraining order on me.

Read Full Post
July 23, 2008
7:02
Tribes and Naming Rights
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I'd just like to express my deepest and most sarcastic gratitude to Chanel for thinking I need an African name. Did you see what they came up with? And GUG thinks I have a big nose, though he's not even seen it and said I should be with the Baganda. So NOT COOL!! No offense to the Baganda who drop by here but I can do better. In response to the names people gave. And it's obvious most of you cannot follow simple directions, I wonder how any of you passed your school exams...but I shan't dwell on that.
Omuramba! - Well, I quite like being named after an alcohol. And I guess you win, only because I don't want you to hit me if I don't say you win...
Nansamba - Means what exactly?
Kukyakara - Huh?
Nomvhulangxa - Well, I would, but I can't spell that shit without having to check back here!
Sokhilixwezingikwe - Ditto, though I can click reasonably well.
Nakawunde - Means what?
Kamese - You're trying to name me Rat/Mouse? I don't fucking think so loser!!
Read Full Post
July 22, 2008
22:57
Butts, Booty and Suicide Ledges
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I had a conversation yesterday night with three people, a dreadlocked man, a Vietnamese chick and a Brazilian guy. The DL turned to me and asked, very randomly, if I liked Alicia Keys. I said yes, she's nice. And he asked if I thought she had booty? Then in piped the other girl and guy and the conversation got so out of hand I almost cried with laughter.

I don't remember much of the conversation since I was grappling with a painful laughing stitch and trying to get enough oxygen so that I didn't suffocate! But the small parts I can recall went something like this:

J-Lo does not actually have booty. It may look like she does, but if you take a close look it's all hips. SHE HAS MASSIVE CHILD BEARING HIPS!!! And so her butt looks huge because it has to cover those wide, wide hips. But of course that stance really depends on your personal booty view point. In our conversation it was agreed that no, J-Lo does not in fact have booty. What she does have is curves, wide Read Full Post
July 17, 2008
0:38
The African Naming Challenge!
from » ‎ DeTamble

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Part of the Pope's visit to Sydney, with a new follower......and now for the POST!

Chanel has deemed it necessary for me to be given an African name. Which is fine by me...so long as I can be Christened in Vodka. Or any alcohol really. Well, anything non-staining. You pour red wine on me and I will rip your fucking earlobe off with my nails! With that said, Antipop has already got in and named me Nansamba. I don't know what it means or how to pronounce it.

So here's the Challenge: Choose a name, tell the meaning, the tribe and why it is awesome enough for me to carry? Oh and while you're at it why not choose me a tribe as well. Somet Read Full Post
July 15, 2008
7:39
The Heart Asks Pleasure First
from » ‎ DeTamble

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Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;}
I have bloggers block, or something similar. I can think of a million things to write about but I just can’t bring myself to actually write any of them. Every time I start I get sidetracked onto my now dead cat. And I don’t want to write some stupid sappy post about how sad I am my kitty died, hell, I didn’t even like the cat that much. Irritating rapist fluff ball that it was. Obviously I have serious issues though because he’s on m Read Full Post
July 04, 2008
7:00
For GUG
from » ‎ DeTamble

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You know I can never deny you anything so here goes. For Guggy and for WildeY.

One early evening, 20 years ago my Mother L, Father J and Father I were sitting around and of course the topic got onto sex. L wanted to shag J. I wanted to shag L. And J wanted to shag them both. And so they did. And here I am!!

The utterly adorable, I-N-C-O-R-R-I-G-I-B-L-E, slutty DeTamble, the product of a friendly, raunchy and apparently very good threesome.

GUG wants details. But what details do I know? I was busy swimming and play loop the loop with my tail and kicking some serious sperm butt! Obviously I kicked butt 'cause I got to the egg first, because that's just the sort of awesome person I am. See I would have been the leader and would have shouted too all my now dead brothers and sisters that this way is the right way. And I would have led them into a trap!!! A sticky wall! We would have been racing full pelt and I would have swerved and ducked under them and the Read Full Post
July 02, 2008
11:18
Your Opinion?
from » ‎ DeTamble

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Someone said I was too skinny. But pffft, screw them, I beg to differ! Take a look, does that look too skinny to you?

And yes I am aware that I'm very much on the whiter side of White. No need for pasty related comments. Nor too many comments on the state of the room... Read Full Post
1:47
To My Future Children, I Hope You Love Your Mother Bee...
from » ‎ DeTamble

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This is what a saw when I woke up that morning those few months ago when my friends and I were still together. I was sleeping on the floor in my undies and someone else's shirt and the sun coming through the door woke me up. Read Full Post
July 01, 2008
10:47
Antipop II
from » ‎ DeTamble

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For Fabulous Antipop, the owner of That Smile ;-) Enjoy. For you lazy bloggers who had the cameras, how could you? You know Facebook hates her! You should be feeling ashamed, leaving her out like that you cold hearted monsters.

Yes, finally, he thinks as he meets her for the first time: Antipop and...dunno, maybe Dante.
Read Full Post
June 28, 2008
6:02
Papa Ian
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To my Daddy, I love you and I miss you, oh and you look awful sexy as a French prostitute...

So this is my father, the one on the left. Honestly 31337, he's the one with facial hair, you were half asleep when you asked me that weren't you? The other is a girl called Zeshi! And she's about the coolest person, EVER! Sorry Antipop, you may have been outdone, but no one's got a smile like yours. Savage, what's the difference between a father and a daddy? Or were you thinking that I meant he's my sugar daddy?

Read Full Post
June 27, 2008
3:24
Mugabe Hijacked My Phone
from » ‎ DeTamble

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So there I was, sleeping happily when an envy inducing text was sent my way at 2:27am. I'd just like to thank my ever so thoughtful friend for waking me. Awfully kind of you. I will get you back, just you wait, when you least expect it....

Well, actually it's a good thing you woke me because half an hour later, that makes it 3am for those of you who can't do simple arithmetic, Tapiwa showed up. At 3am! I heard the door slide open and someone creeping along the hall way. If this had been a few years ago I would have been freaking out, thinking it was a robber/rapist/psycho but over the past year I seem to have befriended people who have no concept of appropriate visiting times (or appropriate texting times!). I sat up in bed and watched the doorway, waiting to see which of my inconsiderate friends it was going to be, only I couldn't see anyone but I knew they were there.

DeT - "Hi Taps"
T - "How did you know it was me?!"
DeT - "Erm, 'cause I can't see you Read Full Post
June 25, 2008
18:40
Lack of Sex Scenes on SBS Is Like Being In Hell
from » ‎ DeTamble

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You'll all be so proud of me! I scammed food off my friends and I didn't even have to tell them. Ahhhhh, the joys of having rich friends. One of them even has a pool... :D

Megs bought me a Read Full Post
June 24, 2008
9:28
Got Rice?
from » ‎ DeTamble

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I want to write. I want to tell someone what is going on, but half the things are secrets and the other half I don't understand.

I keep too many secrets. I've been writing them down recentl Read Full Post
June 23, 2008
8:28
Cheri and The BHH
from » ‎ DeTamble

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@Cheri: I guess things are alright, I dunno, I can't really work out if they are or not :-|

BHH! You lucky snobby nosed people who are going, TAKE SOME DAMN PICTURES! Specifically of Antipo Read Full Post
June 19, 2008
2:43
Penny For A Picture?
from » ‎ DeTamble

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My ex boyfriend in Denmark's mum had a baby a few weeks ago. I feel obliged to post some pictures! Well, one of her and some of other things, mainly because I'm feeling very homesick for Danelania! I Read Full Post
0:22
Fuel Watch
from » ‎ DeTamble

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I keeping hearing that Australians swear, a lot. I didn't really think this was true because I hear other people from other countries swearing too. But I've just seen a new ad on TV, it's an ad from a Read Full Post
June 18, 2008
6:57
Rest In Peace Little Ones
from » ‎ DeTamble

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Just thought I'd add that it turns out the twins, 18 month olds, were dead for 9 days in their crib before the eldest sibling, 11, noticed a bad smell coming from the room. One weighed 4kg and the oth Read Full Post
June 16, 2008
22:11
Neighbour 'fed siblings of dead twins'
from » ‎ DeTamble

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Police found the bodies of the twin boy and girl at a house in Sunnybank Hills, in Brisbane's south, around 7pm (AEST) on Monday.
Post-mortem examinations were to be carried out on the childr Read Full Post
June 15, 2008
23:43
Antipop
from » ‎ DeTamble

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Grrrrrrr. I don't like Australians, they're boring, not only that but they don't like me because I wasn't raised to be a good Australian. I don't do Australian things, mostly because I think they're j Read Full Post
5:38
31337 Infected Me
from » ‎ DeTamble

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I got flu and I is blaming 31337, cause you were the first person I knew that had it this flu season! You gone and infected me! Thanks :-D I scored days off work! YAY!

Today I made rice! I Read Full Post
June 12, 2008
6:08
Trapped On The Internet
from » ‎ DeTamble

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I love the internet. The way you can just stumble across things. Though, this is one of the times I'd rather not have stumbled. I'd rather not have read. It was painful.

Read Full Post
June 06, 2008
7:23
Bed Time!! Whoooooo!
from » ‎ DeTamble

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I am back! I am so back!! I still have some Uni stuff left but nothing pressing!

Did you all miss me?!? Huh? Huh?!? HUH?!?! You better have missed me you bunch of...of...of...erm, bunch of Read Full Post
June 03, 2008
23:54
I love my Uni!!
from » ‎ DeTamble

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I'm in the computer room at Uni right this second eavesdropping into a conversation between 4 Zim girls, it's the weirdest fucking convo I think I've ever heard.

They're in the early to mid Read Full Post
June 02, 2008
9:13
Is It Over Yet?
from » ‎ DeTamble

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You are nosy. I heard what you were saying in the car. Tsk. Tsk.

I'm coming back soon. I promise. I sorry 31337, I know it's what I said last w Read Full Post